


I'm With You

by Velocity_Owl87



Series: Loup!Verse [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Male Friendship, Rape/Non-con References, Werewolves, recovery of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-14
Updated: 2011-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-26 01:50:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonathan never asked to be involved in his father's shadowy world. But he got involved and has paid a high price for that involvement. He's now a wreck of himself and in need to find a meaning to his life. Sharpie's bound by decency and a promise to help Jonathan do just that. Jose, Ryan and Sheldon get involved once Sharpie realizes he's out of his depth and even then, things don't go as anyone expects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm With You

_“The moon is red and the sky is green_

 _In the loneliest place you have ever been_

 _I’m with you, I’m with you_

 _If you want me to”- The Stills_

 _November-The End of the Loup War_

Patrick Sharp was standing at the window, staring out at the dark night sky. The moon was a small sliver in the sky and providing very little illumination. He was dead tired. They all were, but he was too keyed up to sleep. The adrenaline was still rushing through him from earlier in the night and the bloodlust only now had settled somewhat. He had volunteered to go on patrol to corral up the rogues, but his request had been denied.

He didn’t like the fact that he’d been forced to stay while the rest of the allied packs went out there to stamp out any dissidence that was still out there. He’s an adult though, and he understood the reason why he’d been more or less ordered to stay behind. He stretched out and looked over his shoulder to the camp beds they had managed to fit in a room that was obviously an office pressed into service as a dorm. There was another camp bed that was supposed to be his, but Patrick didn’t think that he would be crawling into it too soon. He had a promise to keep and until that had been fulfilled, he didn’t think he was going to be going anywhere anytime soon.

 His ward, Jonathan Roy lay curled on his side, two thick blankets tucked tightly around him as he slept the deep sleep of the sedated. The blankets hid most of the unhealed injuries, but his face was still clearly marked with the cuts and bruises that his captors had inflicted upon him during his captivity. His hair was a ragged and greasy mess and it made him look even younger than his twenty years.

Patrick bit his lip as he remembered how terrified and anguished the young _loup_ had been when he had pulled him out of the cage. How fast Jonathan’s heart was beating against his chest as Patrick carried him to a waiting medical van and how Jonathan had clung to him as they treated his injuries. Until his father, the famous St. Patrick Roy had shown up and pushed him to the margin in his relief at seeing his oldest son alive, despite being a little worse for the wear. He could understand and would have left if it hadn’t been for Patrick Roy finding evidence that Iginla had used Jonathan as a pawn to strike back at him and at the rest of the _loups_ and possibly destroying them all in the process.

Roy had tried to comfort his son, but his temper was rising to the surface and Jonathan was reacting badly to his father’s mood shift.  Already on edge about turning and all the events that had followed right after made Jonathan turn into a bawling and hysterical mess and Roy wasn’t capable of calming him down since he was so on edge himself. It was a vicious circle and Roy wasn’t about to continue. He needed to clear out for the sake of his son.

“Can you stay with him until I come back for him?” Roy had asked him, his eyes a blazing copper as he looked at Sharp.

Sharp had only nodded and had been surprised when Roy had disentangled himself from his son and almost shoved him into Sharp’s arms.

“Take care of him as if he was your life.” Roy had snarled at him before leaving the van and heading off to parts unknown.

Sharp had blinked before he had gathered his wits about him again and somehow managed to calm the hysterical Jonathan down enough to stop the awful crying that was starting to get too much for him to bear. It was a jagged and painful sound that made Patrick think of broken souls and hearts. It was so full of agony that when the doctor had come by and offered to give Jonathan a sedative to ease the transition, Patrick had agreed with alacrity for the doctor to do so.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten that the Eastern Loups weren’t as resistant to the drugs that the Western Loup doctors had concocted to deal with their unique metabolism and it had completely knocked the kid out for six.  He had asked around and someone, either Doan or a harried looking Price had found them both a place to crash. That was the only reason why they were in this room, with his skin crawling form the sick adrenaline and sorrow he felt at Jonathan’s loss of innocence and trial by fire.

His heart clenched slightly at the sight of Jonathan. He had guessed at what had gone on, but the sight that had met them when they had stormed the basement of Iginla’s compound had filled in the blanks. Theodore had been beaten to hell and Backstrom had looked like he had been put through the wringer and Sidney...Patrick shuddered when he remembered how blank his eyes had looked when Henrik had covered him up and hustled him out of there.  The only one that was sort of together had been Enstrom and he even had his doubts about that. Only time would tell with him.

He sighed softly and rubbed at his burning eyes. He would have killed for a cup of coffee at that exact time, but he didn’t dare leave the room until Roy showed up to keep watch over his son. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust any of the _loups_ in the house. If anything, anyone that dared attack the house would have either been a suicidal fool or just plain stupid. Rask, Tootoo, Cheechoo and Latendresse were making the rounds and those four were all dangerous enough in their own right. Together, they were the _loup_ equivalent of Black Ops.

No. He had to admit that it wasn’t that. It was both sympathy and compassion that were keeping him there, watching over a kid that was old enough to be his brother. He knew what it was like to feel utterly gutted and to wake up and find that there’s no one there to help you through the darkness seeping through your soul and bones. He didn’t want for Jonathan to go through that. But he couldn’t explain _why_ it was so important that Jonathan not be alone that night.

He turned around and leaned against the window, the panes cool against his back, making the adrenaline lessen a bit with the change in temperature. He stayed that way for a bit before he looked out the window again. By the light the moon was providing, he could make out Cheechoo and Latendresse as they made a slow and seemingly lazy circle around the property. They kept on walking and Patrick watched them until they had disappeared from his line of sight. They were safe. There was no one out there. So he might as well go and get some coffee before he got too deep into soul-searching that he simply couldn’t afford to do at that moment. Particularly when it involved someone that he was probably never going to cross paths with ever again.

He moved away from the window, but stopped in his tracks when the door opened to reveal Roy. He was so shocked that he stood there and stared at the older _loup_ , who although grim-looking, was calm and collected. His earlier outburst seeming impossible from the impassive man that now stood beside Jonathan’s bed. The juxtaposition was even clearer when Roy started speaking, his voice so soft and quiet that Sharp had to strain to hear all that he was saying.

“I thought they were safe from all of this.” Roy finally whispered after standing almost motionless at his son’s side for a long moment.  “Even though I was disappointed that none of them had come out as _loups_...” he trailed off and shook his head before he reached down and stroked his son’s battered cheek.  He straightened up almost immediately after and continued his monologue.

“It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, since I made so many enemies over the years. No one would think to use them to get through me. I did my best to keep them safe. Until now, that is.” He shook his head and sighed heavily before he turned to look at Sharp.

Sharp felt like a deer caught in the headlights when those aquamarine eyes fixed themselves on him. He knew, logically, that nothing was really going to happen. But it still unnerved him to have Roy pin him down with a glance after such personal revelations in regards to his son. Especially when Sharp, just like everyone else, had been under the impression that Roy’s human children were nothing more than a source of embarrassment for a man that considered himself a playmaker in their world.

“It’s proven that I can’t keep my son safe. I’ve failed with Jonathan.” He smiled humourlessly. “The fact that he was turned almost under my nose just proves that I can’t do anything else for him, other than bring him danger.”

Sharp frowned, not sure he liked where the conversation was heading. Nor did he like the fact that Roy was basically falling apart in front of him, since he honestly felt like he had been an accidental voyeur when it had come to the interactions between father and son. Although neither man had even implied that they felt that was the case; he still felt that he should have cleared out long ago rather than give into his compassion and stayed with Jonathan.

“It’s not anyone’s fault, he was dragged into it.” He tried to comfort the distraught father. “If it hadn’t been Jonathan, it would have been someone else. Just because it ended up being Jonathan was a horrible and unfortunate coincidence. Just like Miller being bitten. Coincidences that can’t be changed, despite us wanting to change them, but rather have to be deal with.”

Roy nodded his head at Sharp’s words and instead turned to look at his son again, making him breathe a bit easier at the action. Maybe things wouldn’t go the way Sharp was afraid that they would and he could go get some coffee and maybe sleep a bit and then figure out whether he and Toews would go back to Chicago right away or hang around to make sure that no other surprises would come out of the woodwork. That was all he really was concerned about doing. He liked his life simple and uncomplicated and he knew that if Roy pursued the conversation, it was going to end up complicated and difficult.

“Maybe you’re right. That it could have easily been anyone used as the catalyst. Or maybe it was my son in order for fate to punish me for my pride and my sins.” Roy commented thoughtfully.

“Theodore suffered a lot when he was mine.” Roy’s statement made Sharp’s stomach drop. Even though he had been an awkward teenager, he had been vaguely aware of what Roy was alluding at.  He hadn’t been allowed near Theodore, as per Carbonneau’s orders and only had shadowy recollections of the man from that time. The only memory that stood out clearly for him was that Theodore always seemed so stiff and constantly standing in Roy’s shadow. The fact that he even remembered that much from his youth surprised him. But then, when Souray had come and paid Theodore’s price to get him away from Roy, it had caused such a scandal that no one in the pack had really forgotten the half-blood _loup_ , despite him wanting it otherwise.

“I’ve thought about it, all this time and it is the only answer that I can come up with that makes sense to me. God never forgets our wrongs and he will make sure we pay with what we love the most.” Roy concluded as he straightened up.

Sharp swallowed hard. He wasn’t really religious and he was sure that Roy wasn’t either, but maybe the enormity of what happened to his son had made him question God and whatever faith he had outside of himself. At least that was what sounded like the most logical explanation to Sharp. Otherwise he could only conclude that Roy had completely lost it and if he was smart, he was going to have to do something about the situation and fast.

This had just crossed his mind when Roy once again stroked his son’s face with such finality that it made Sharp curse his good intentions when it finally hit him what Roy was really saying.

“It’s not fair, what you’re going to ask of me.” Sharp told him, his voice cracking in desperation. “Not fucking fair.”

Roy’s face crumbled slightly at the edges when Sharp said that, but his determination won out and he recovered himself so quickly that Sharp thought he had imagined that slight tremor in the armour.

“No. It isn’t. But he’s my son and I can’t keep him close and safe. He might as well go with someone that can do that and more than I ever possibly could for him.” Roy replied as calmly as if they were discussing dinner or the weather.

Sharp’s mouth twisted and he opened and closed it a couple of times as he thought of reasons to refuse or for other candidates that would be better suited for the task itself. But no sound came out, no brilliant ideas presented themselves. When he did manage to stay something, it was simply to ask why him. Out of all the _loups_ running around, why was he the logical choice?

“You are still somewhat neutral. No ties, no high profile. You’re safe.” Roy’s practical response, despite being expected, still chilled and hurt him. How deeply, he wasn’t really sure yet. But it did sting; he did know and felt that. But he didn’t have time to prod at it, since Roy continued.

“And you were the only one who thought to grab a scared and injured boy that would have been ignored otherwise. Not intentionally, but not important enough to anyone else to do something about, that’s why.”

Sharp’s throat clogged up with emotion that was far removed from the hurt that had welled up at Roy’s earlier words. He hadn’t thought he was doing anything special, in pulling Jonathan out of the cage. He saw the kid was in pain and down for the count and needed help, so he helped. Nothing more and nothing less. He didn’t save the universe, or mankind. Yet...for Roy, he did.

“What are you going to do?” Sharp asked once everything had been worked out in his mind. Roy sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Me, I will make sure Jonathan is safe and the charges are dropped. Tell him goodbye. Make sure he stays with you. That is what I will do.”  Roy continued, his voice still carrying that reasonable calm, yet not quite hiding the steel underneath that was meant as a warning for Sharp in case he decided to bolt and not fulfil his duties as given by an older and more powerful _loup._

It did cross his mind briefly to challenge Roy. After all, they were both Alphas. He was younger and had that as an advantage. The idea took a firm hold of him for only a few seconds before he dismissed it. Roy had shown his weakness in asking Sharp to keep Jonathan safe. Despite not really knowing who he was dealing with, he had taken the chance based on one action.

Either the man was that stupid, or that desperate to keep his beloved son safe. Sharp discounted stupid, since this man had been playing the human world and the council longer than he had been alive. He had heard stories of his exploits as a young _loup._ No. Stupidity wasn’t it, so that left desperation and devotion to his oldest son. And despite being angry and frustrated at having to play baby-sitter for an injured and newly turned _loup_ , he understood what it had cost Roy to make the request. And how much it was going to cost in the long run.

“Fine. I’ll keep an eye on him. Make sure he gets through this okay.” He said sourly as he finally agreed to the complicated task.

Roy nodded regally at Sharp’s acquiescence. “Thank you. Go. I’ll stay with my son now. Have your last night of freedom.”

Sharp smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes before he finally pushed himself away from the window and headed out the door and tried to not think about the enormity of the task he had taken on.

 _January/February_

Patrick had his hand on the steering wheel that was slowly freezing his hands despite the thick lined gloves he was wearing. He exhaled and his breath came out like white smoke, despite the fact that he had the heater running. He frowned and made a mental note to fix the heating before they froze to death and wondered for what seemed to be the hundredth time in that same hour why he thought it would be a good idea to head to Edmonton in late January.

 Driving up through the Midwest states to the Prairies wasn’t the most exhilarating of road trips at the best of times and in the dead of winter, it was ten times worse. All he could see was the often grey sky and a blanket of whiteness covering almost everything else. But he had to do it and so he would grit his teeth and think of warm beaches, with clear blue skies and green-blue water and...

“Can I put in some Jack Johnson?” a soft, almost colourless voice pulled him out of his fantasies of warmer climes and he ducked his head, feeling somewhat guilty about his traitorous thoughts.

He turned his head slightly, still keeping his eyes on the road as he snuck a glance at his passenger. Jonathan was bundled up in a huge Canada goose parka that was the twin to his (the only difference was in colour: Patrick’s was black while Jonathan’s was a dark navy) and had thick gloves on and a colourful toque almost pulled down to his eyebrows from under where his light brown hair poked out in all directions. He was slumped in the seat and had, for all intents and purposes, remained in the same position ever since they had started up the drive again from the last small city they had been for lunch.

 Despite his meandering inner monologue, he knew damned well that Jonathan was the reason why they were driving to Edmonton, rather than flying. The last time that he had put Jonathan on a plane to visit his family, he had received a phone call from his brother Frederick asking him to come and pick up Jonathan at his earliest convenience. It was all he would say until Patrick managed to get there and pick up a withdrawn and quiet Jonathan. Once he had gotten Jonathan in the car did Frederick mention that Jonathan was freaking out and hyperventilating the whole flight and had arrived in Quebec City a wreck until it was time to leave.

They hadn’t said much on the drive back to Chicago, but Patrick could tell that Jonathan was calming down. It also made him realize that he had to quickly change his Christmas plans in order to keep an eye on Jonathan. And the best way of doing that was by staying in Chicago and having a quiet day with the kid, since he really couldn’t bring him around his hometown without a lot of explanations on his part. Although they were all _loups_ , his family tended to stay out of the political wheeling and dealing and wouldn’t be pleased to have the son of the Playmaker in their home. He had sighed and kept his eyes on the road as he batted the possibilities back and forth, but he had known the choice he would make.

 When they had gotten to the apartment that they were now sharing, Patrick had gotten a grateful look when he had shared his decision with Jonathan. Although he hadn’t been crazy about not being with his own blood, the faint glimmer of happiness in those faded aquamarine eyes had been enough to ease his disappointment and the explanations he would have to make.

He unfortunately couldn’t make that brightness return, despite making every subtle effort to do so. In fact, Jonathan’s eyes looked more faded and he himself looked and acted more worn than before. And it was starting to kill Patrick, being helpless and unable to really help a ward that had, without his noticing, turned into someone he couldn’t see not being in his life.

Patrick was worried about the smothering listlessness and greyness that Jonathan had slowly and gradually sunk into after the battle. The euphoria of being released as a free man and learning and understanding the world he had only been on the outskirts of had faded quickly, once reality had sunk in. Patrick had tried to cheer him up, had encouraged him to get out and do something, anything, but it wasn’t working.

He had hoped that it would just be a phase and that it would pass given enough time. But he had changed his mind when the nightmares started happening. Jonathan would hide them, but they were far too frequent for Patrick to keep ignoring. Just like he couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that Jonathan always was stiff whenever he was touched by anyone, be it deliberately or accidentally. The disastrous visit to Quebec City had been the last straw and he just couldn’t let it continue.

Jonathan was fading away. And if he didn’t do something about it before it was too late, he would be as bad as Iginla for turning the boy to use as his pawn. Not that he had any plans to use Jonathan, no. But if he didn’t do anything about it, he would be as guilty as the other _loup_ in destroying what Jonathan Roy could have and should have been.

That was the only reason why he was driving up north. The deterioration had convinced him that flying with him would be a horrible idea. Even though Jonathan seemed much better when he was with Patrick, he didn’t want to risk Jonathan having an episode. So he had sucked it up, packed up the car, got Jonathan warm clothes and shoved him in the car and started driving. He needed advice and he needed help and he would only find it in Edmonton. How he was sure of that, he couldn’t verbalize. Only that if he went there, things would work out.

But right now, he had to survive the ride and keep Jonathan on an even keel. Even if it meant listening to Jack Johnson in order to do so.

“Yeah. Sure. It’s too quiet here anyways.” Patrick replied before he turned his gaze back on the road. He heard Jonathan shift and rummage around the shoebox between the seats that contained his cd collection and in a matter of minutes, Jack Johnson’s too mellow music filled the car.

Patrick stifled a sigh and checked the GPS on the dash instead. Just a few hundred more kilometres to go. He could do this. Totally could do this.

~0~0~0~

“Fucking snow.” Ryan muttered as he looked out the window into the fluffy white wonderland outside. He took a long sip of his coffee before turning to look back at Sheldon, who wasn’t paying any attention to either Ryan or the snow as he pored over the faxes he had received earlier. Jose was sitting across from him and was frowning at his laptop as he typed up a letter and occasionally consulted the yellow legal pad covered in his looped scrawl lying at his elbow.

The season had predictably entered a lockout, after the turmoil and fall-out of the _loup_ wars and the rising unhappiness of all the leagues policies and that had left all of them with too much time on their hands and very little places to kill it in. Many of the _loups_ had followed the pattern of the earlier lock-out and had gone over to Europe. Some had simply stayed put in their pack homelands.

And others had chosen to stay with mates, like Ryan and Jose had done. Ryan hadn’t minded the cold and the snow at first. But after being trapped in the house way more often than not while Sheldon and Jose handled the important pack business was having a negative effect on him. Namely driving him loopy and making him wonder if he was also becoming a nuisance to his two mates, since work never really stopped for them despite them delegating it to Price, Doan and Toews.

Like now. Although he thought he had been quiet when speaking, but Jose, of all _loups_ had caught it. This in turn, made him cringe at his forgetfulness, since it wasn’t that long ago that Theo’s _loups_ abilities had been substantially added to. He knew that Sheldon too, forgot, but he somehow felt that it was disrespectful in some way if he did it. Especially since it was a leftover reflex from when Theo had been almost human when it came to his abilities. Although he had been powerful for a human, he had been pretty baseline in the _loup_ community. Sheldon had been his protector for so long, it was taking him awhile to break the habit, but Ryan didn’t really have an excuse. Well, other than the fact that Theo was smaller than him and looked like he still needed to be protected. Which he had found out wasn’t exactly the case when Jose pinned him down into the snow when they had gone out for nightly runs in their animal forms.

“You are from Buffalo? They don’t have snow?” Jose asked as his fingers flew over the keyboard. He quickly re-read all that he had typed before pressing a few keys and looking up at Ryan.

“I’m from Michigan and yeah, we have snow, but not mountains of it like this place. This much snow makes me wonder if global warming wasn’t made up by scientists after all. ” Ryan replied as he walked over to the table, pulled out a chair and sat down beside Jose, who laughed softly at Ryan’s comments.

“You get used to it.” Jose commented as he pushed his too-long hair away from his face before fixing hazel eyes on Ryan, who shook his head. He opened his mouth to make some kind of smart-assed comment, but Sheldon beat him to it.

“It’s Edmonton. You have to get used to it. If there’s no snow, we go insane.” He told them both as he put the faxes away and fixed a deep green gaze upon both of them. “Besides, it builds character, having all this snow. Especially if we go for a run naked.” Sheldon tilted his head and smiled at Jose after he had said that. “We should have a run soon. Have Ryan get the proper winter induction, rather than waiting for March.”

Ryan laughed, but Jose and Sheldon only looked at him, their expressions calm and serious and that made him realize that it wasn’t a joke as he originally thought it was.

“You seriously did it?” he asked Theo, who nodded calmly as he steepled his hands on the table.

“Everyone in the pack does it. It’s a stipulation the elders made when the pack was first created. Didn’t mean I liked it, but it gets fun after awhile.” Theo smiled softly, lost in some memory that Ryan found himself getting slightly jealous of. It was irrational that he should get envious about time that Sheldon and Theo had before he came along. But there it was, occasionally perking up when he saw that look on Theo’s and Shel’s faces. He bit his lip and pushed the feeling away to examine it at a later time and maybe talk to Shel about it afterwards. But right now, he had more pressing worries. Like convincing his mates that running through the snow with their bits dangling in the icy cold was _not_ the most productive way to spend a winter day.

“You mean risking frostbite on your dangly bits is fun?” Ryan asked his voice slightly strangled as he contemplated the idea.

Sheldon and Theo exchanged glances and held out for almost a full minute before they burst out laughing, making Ryan scowl at them. He opened his mouth to give a scathing retort, but at the same time the doorbell rang.

“I got it.” Theo told them, pulling himself out of the sniping that would surely stat up between his mates.

“Had you going there, eh?” Sheldon asked as Theo got up and went to answer the door.

Theo missed the reply as he unlocked the heavy deadbolt and swung the door open to reveal a sheepish looking Patrick Sharp bundled up in a black parka. He was about to greet him, but the words died on his lips when he noticed Sharp wasn’t alone. And that his companion, dressed in a navy parka and staring fixedly at him was no other than Jonathan Roy, the son of the author of his personal hell.

Theo could only blink at them and stand there, letting all of the cold and snow into the house. Although he was all too aware that their presence wasn’t some sick hallucination, he still couldn’t force himself to do anything or say anything. The memories were too strong and despite the subsequent freedom and patient lessons by Shel and now Ryan, he still couldn’t really shake off the paralytic fear seeing those aquamarine eyes always brought him.

“Theo? Why did you leave the door open? Is anyone there? Or is it those freaking kids playing knock-nickey niner again?” Sheldon asked as he and Ryan went to the front door to see why Theo was still at the front door and letting the cold in.

He could have sworn, but Ryan did it for him when they saw who was on their front porch.

“I know this is highly unorthodox, showing up here unannounced, but we really need to talk to Theodore. May we come in?” Patrick got out in a rush, his eyes wide with a tinge of silver around the rims as he asked the question.

Sheldon and Ryan looked at each other, both of them not really sure what to make of the situation or the request. Although Jonathan wasn’t a threat and Patrick had proven his loyalty during the war, they couldn’t forget the role of the elder Roy in Theo’s past. Nor could Ryan forget that Jonathan had been the one to turn him into a _loup_. Although Ryan and Sheldon held no grudges after the entire story had been pieced together, they hadn’t expected to ever have those feelings tested by having to interact with Jonathan Roy on such a personal level ever again.

“Why do you want to talk to me?” Theo finally asked, his voice wavering just a touch.

Patrick bit his lip and cast a sideways look at Jonathan, who was now staring off in the distance and giving no indication that he was following anything that was going on around him. 

Theo’s mouth tightened as he understood what Patrick was subtly trying to tell him without actually saying anything in front of the reason why they were really there. Jonathan needed help, plain and simple. And for some reason, Patrick Sharp felt that Theo was the best source of it. Even though he was totally aware of what Theo had been through with Jonathan’s father, Patrick was still asking for something that Theo wasn’t sure was in him to give.

He crossed his arms across his chest and chewed on his bottom lip as he thought the situation over. Patrick Sharp was, as far as he knew, a good guy. He had fought on their side and had always kept himself neutral. He had reluctantly been named as Jonathan’s steward and had honoured his duties completely. He wouldn’t do something like this unless he was really concerned about the boy. That, Theo could respect. Sheldon had paid his price and mated with him to give him some sort of freedom from the hell that Roy had made his life and had weathered the subsequent storm after.  He himself had nearly died for Sheldon and Ryan had entered a relationship with them simply on faith and Theo had a distinct feeling that a similar dynamic was there between Patrick and Jonathan. Not as obvious as it was with them, but it was there.

Sheldon and Ryan shifted behind him and Theo gave them a small glance before he deliberately moved aside and ushered Patrick and Jonathan into the house. They took off their boots and unzipped their coats. Well, Patrick did. Jonathan kept his fully closed despite it being warm in the house. After that pause, they quickly moved towards the direction that Theo had pointed them to.

Apart from Patrick’s small mumbled “Thanks” as he dragged the still unresponsive Jonathan inside, no one else said a word as they moved towards the living room. Theo closed the door behind them, locked it and leaned against it and closed his eyes to gather his composure before he went in to face Patrick and Jonathan.

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Sheldon and Ryan asked at the same time. Theo opened his eyes and looked at both of his mates, who were looking at him with identical looks of concern and worry.

“I don’t know for sure, but something tells me that I have to try.” Theo replied as he ran his hands through his hair and made it stand on end.

“Why?” Ryan asked as he reached out and smoothed all of the cowlicks over Theo’s head down.

“Because it was done for me.” Theo replied simply as he walked towards the living room, leaving Sheldon and Ryan standing in the foyer, staring after him.

“What should we do?”Ryan asked Sheldon after Theo had disappeared.

Sheldon’s mouth tightened for a fraction of a minute before he turned to look at Ryan.

“We just are there in case he needs us, like always.” Sheldon replied quietly.

“And if he breaks?” Ryan whispered, drawing closer to Sheldon as he finally voiced his worry.

“We help him get it together, that’s all.” Sheldon replied. “But it won’t happen. Theo’s not the same as he used to be and we have to give him that much credit, at least.”

Ryan nodded and leaned against Sheldon. “I keep forgetting he’s not the same horribly fragile _loup_ anymore. He’s changed and I just...”

Sheldon nodded as he placed his arm around Ryan. “I get it. But it’s not our place to decide that. We just have to have faith it’s going to work out. Let’s give them some privacy and if he needs us, he knows where we are”

Ryan exhaled noisily as he nodded in agreement and let himself be led to the master bedroom of the house.

~*~*~*~*

 _“If you believe in me, then I believe in you._

 _I’m with you, I’m with you_

 _If you want me to”-The Stills_

Jonathan sat on the comfortable couch and tried to not think about the last time he had occupied that very same piece of furniture. Life as he had known it had fallen apart then and there. It was on that couch that he was told by the scariest and paradoxically the most compassionate _loup_ he had ever come across that not only was he a new species, he was also very likely going to be tried for crimes he hadn’t even been aware he had committed. Then he hadn’t gotten enough time to come to grips with the realization that his father was simply just another mortal _Loup_ with failings just like the rest of the world before he was snatched away and...

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the top of the couch. He didn’t want to think about being grabbed by those _loups_ and he didn’t want to think about the time he spent freezing his ass off with the other captives in a barred cage. He didn’t want to remember Backstrom’s tragic face and Crosby’s dead black eyes that looked like the entry into an empty abyss. Already, the sounds of flesh on flesh were starting to come back and his stomach clenched when he remembered the taunts that accompanied the punches and kicks.

Although he didn’t want to remember it, the sight of Theodore had worked to bring it all forward and it was all he could do keep from freaking out. He was fine. He would deal with everything. He just needed some time to put it all into perspective and have it scab over to the point where he could push it to the back of his mind and move on with his life. That was all.

He shifted a bit when he felt the ghost of a large hand cupping his face and a large thumb pressing down on his bottom lip until he jerked his head away in vain. He shuddered and his eyes flew open abruptly. He raised his head and sat up and was sort of embarrassed to see Jose Theodore staring at him. Sharpie (although he found the nickname somewhat childish, he had reverted to using it for Patrick Sharp. The only Patrick in his life was his father and no matter how much they were at each other’s throats, he could never bring himself to differentiate between his father and any other Patrick he met. He usually ended up calling them by their last names. It was just the way that his brain worked and that was the end of that. Sharpie was the exception to the rule, since one could only live with someone for so long and NOT grow to some level of intimacy. Hence the nickname) was nowhere to be seen and that triggered panic within him. He had just moved to get up when Jose Theodore spoke.

“He’s getting some coffee for himself and for you. He’s not abandoned you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Theodore assured him. This made him blush in embarrassment at being so obvious. He then forced himself to sit back down and look as if he was completely relaxed when all he wanted to do was get back in that car and drive back to Chicago so he could state at the walls and stay stuck in the comfortable, if not pleasant fugue he had found himself in after the War.

Jonathan looked away from the older _loup_ , unzipped his parka and slid it off to puddle it around him. Although he liked the extra layer of armour it provided against the rest of the world, it was too freaking hot to have it on any longer. Besides, he was already wearing one of Sharpie’s hoodies underneath. That would be enough layers for the time being. His gloves were shucked off and he only hesitated briefly about his hat, despite knowing that his hair just looked like crap. He hadn’t cut it in ages and wearing the damned hat had made it greasy and stringy.

He had just finished when Sharpie came back wearing only a plain black hoodie and jeans. Jonathan started at the sight of Sharpie without his entire winter gear, but he calmed down when he realized that Sharpie left it in the kitchen while he fixed up two cups of coffee for them. Sharpie handed him the cup and sat down on the edge of his parka nest. Jonathan murmured his thanks and when he took a sip of the sweet, creamy coffee it hit him that apart from telling him where Sharpie was, Theodore hadn’t said anything else.

Curious, he looked up and saw that Theodore was simply sitting, his face a neutral mask as he silently watched him and Sharpie with those changed eyes of his. It was as if he simply _knew_ that if he started to prod, Jonathan would simply sit there in stubborn silence until he went away. Despite himself, he remembered Theodore being that stoic and patient when they were trapped. He never spoke out of turn or bristled like Crosby had in the beginning. No. He just waited with that eerie calm, his eyes a warm brown and focused inward.

 Jonathan also felt odd when the memory of the older _loup’s_ eyes came to him and he hated to admit that the change was sort of freaking him out. He didn’t know why it should have mattered, but it did. The thoughts had just crossed his mind, but it was almost as if he had summoned Theodore’s attention simply by thinking about him. Because the next thing he knew, Theodore’s strange shifting hazel eyes turned towards him and held his gaze for almost a minute before both of them looked away at the exact same moment.

Jonathan kept his gaze trained on his cup after that. He had the distinct impression that despite all of the barriers he had put up to keep Sharpie at arm’s length, they weren’t enough to keep Theodore out. In fact, Theodore had pierced them all in that brief glance. And that he knew all that Jonathan was hiding from Sharpie and the world. That much Jonathan had seen before they had broken eye contact with each other. He didn’t like the idea of someone else being all too aware of what was going on inside his head.

Especially not from the _loup_ that used to take his father away from him when he had needed his father the most.

He shook his head and took a long swallow of coffee to chase that thought away. He hadn’t seen Theodore that way when they had been prisoners together. Nor had it crossed his mind when he had watched him take the brutal punishments that would have broken the rest of them. No. The only reason why the thought had popped up in his mind was because he was feeling vulnerable at being found out.

Jonathan felt his mouth tighten at the surge of emotion. It made him even more nervous and uncomfortable than before, since he knew that Theodore would be the one to understand and to break his self-imprisonment and he wasn’t sure if he really wanted his help. Theodore was someone he didn’t know how exactly he felt towards, especially after what he had found in his father’s office...

Jonathan hated that he still held onto that past grudge. It wasn’t Theodore’s fault that his father had chosen to spend time with him. Just like it wasn’t his fault that he had been turned and manipulated and...He closed his eyes again. He was _never_ going to think about that. If he never spoke about it, if he pushed it down and buried it, it never happened. And he wouldn’t have to ever admit that it...

He opened his eyes again and looked at Sharpie, who was talking to Theodore about their trip. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer. He needed to have some breathing room.

“Where’s your bathroom?” he asked abruptly, putting his cup down on the end table and hurriedly standing up.

“It’s the third door down the hall on your left. It should be the one with the door open.” Theodore told him neutrally.

Jonathan nodded his thanks and hurried down the hall to the room. He closed and locked the door behind himself and slid to sit down onto the tiled floor. He buried his face in his hands and focused on getting his mind blank again so that he would be able to at least keep some of his composure until it was time to go home. Something that he hoped would happen sooner, rather than later.

~*~*~*

 Patrick and Jose waited and remained quiet, not resuming their conversation until they both heard the bathroom door be closed and locked with a bit more force than was actually necessary.

“I see why you decided to come here.” Jose commented as he sat back on the couch opposite of the one Sharp was sitting on alone now, Jonathan’s parka now keeping him company.

“But I don’t see how I could be of help, since I have not had a good history with his father and it would be completely foolish to assume that he’s unaware of it.” Jose continued coolly.

Sharp winced at the pointed comment. “He may, or he may not. He’s never given any hint of it to me. But then, it’s not like we can discuss his father’s past misdemeanours and sexual habits over coffee and toast and the morning paper. When you find out a way to do so, I’d be happy to talk to him about it.”

Jose inclined his head in acknowledgement of the shot. “Fair enough. I know I deserved that. And I am pleased that you think I can heal Jonathan. I truly am. But I still don’t see why you think that I would be the best person to help him. There are other _loups_ that could better help to get him through his trauma as well.”

Sharp nodded in agreement at all the suggestions that Jose had made before he fixed him with icy blue eyes and spoke. “I did go through all the other options, but nothing worked and he’s just been getting worse. And I admit that I don’t want to lose him if it’s in my power to do so.”

Jose picked up his cup and took a sip as he contemplated the words he had just heard. So he was right. There was something of the mate dynamic between Patrick Sharp and Jonathan Roy. And he did feel for them. He really did and his first inclination was to help, but from what he had seen, there was more than the usual damage in Jonathan.  He hadn’t been privy to the dynamics in the Roy household, but he suspected that they were as dysfunctional as his own dynamic with the older Roy. Jonathan seemed to have both been adored and despised. That in itself was enough to fuck with a kid that probably both hated and wanted to desperately please his father for shortcomings that simply weren’t his fault. And now that he had achieved his life’s goal, he had been abandoned yet again.

“And we come back to the original point. What makes you think that I would succeed when others probably much better adjusted have failed in helping him?”

Sharp chewed on his lip as he weighed his words. He didn’t want to piss off the one _loup_ that was the only who could make a difference. But he was also determined to not leave with a dead-eyed Jonathan and spend the probably short time that they had left watching him die in front of him. That was why he took the last gamble and hoped to God that it wouldn’t blow up in his face.

“Tell me, would it have worked for you, if the chance had been presented to you?  Would you have been able to open up that much to let someone with little bearing on your experience in? Or would you have sought the one you knew had gone through the same hell you did?”

Jose’s mouth thinned into a bloodless line as his hands tightened around his coffee mug. Sharp looked down at his denim clad knees and sat very still. Although he had never heard of Jose losing his shit that had been when he had been a weak concubine and then a weak consort unable to draw on the powers of two high Alphas, he suspected that wasn’t the case now. He didn’t think that he would get torn to shreds, but it didn’t hurt to be careful and quiet, especially after such a sharp and too direct hit.

There was complete silence for several moments and Sharp could see the slow rise of blood turning Jose’s skin dark across his cheekbones. Jose kept completely quiet and completely still before he turned brilliant copper eyes on Sharp and he exploded.

“How dare you.” Jose’s voice was low and cold as he spat the words out. “How dare you try and twist my pain to help the son of the person that did his damned best to annihilate me. He took fucking everything from me. Everything! And even with that knowledge, I let you in my house to listen to you and you dare say this to me?”

Sharp wet his dry lips before he answered the icily furious _loup_ in front of him. He had made his bed; he had no choice but to lie in it.

“What kind of being would I be if I didn’t?” Sharp asked quietly. Jose blinked, but his expression remained frozen in his cold rage. “Do you think that I wanted him in my life? If I had known I was going to be babysitting a broken kid for basically the rest of his life, I wouldn’t have answered the call your mate put out. I would have stayed at home. But I didn’t. And now I have this responsibility and it’s not fucking fair. And I know what I’m asking isn’t fucking fair either. It really isn’t.”

Jose’s face lost its frosty cast and his eyes slowly went back to their usual hazel, but he still didn’t speak when Sharp was finished. Sharp waited for a bit before he continued.

“But it wouldn’t be fair to not try either. Not because I’m afraid of his father. But because it’s the right thing to do.”

Jose twitched at that and his face crumpled slightly with emotion before he got himself under control. It took him some effort, but he managed it despite himself.

“It is the right thing to do. But let me ask you: What will you do if Jonathan can’t be saved?

Sharp closed his eyes briefly before answering.

“I’ll have to live with the outcome. But I won’t give up on either of you easily.”

Jose smiled humourlessly and gave a short laugh“Get Jonathan out of the bathroom and take the spare room. It’s the least I can offer at the moment, since it’s too dark and too stormy to go out there tonight.”

~*~*~*~*~

_“We came from far and we came here lost_

 _And we’re moving in, we’re rolling far_

 _I’m with you, I’m with you,_

 _If you want me to, the night is...” The Stills_

Jonathan was nearly asleep as he sat slouched with his back against the bathroom door, his earlier anxiety having left him languid and almost drained. He probably would have fallen asleep if it hadn’t been for the loud and persistent knocking pulling him out of his stupor.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed as he jerked upright clumsily.  He went to the sink, splashed some cold water onto his puffy, red-eyed face. He grimaced at the sight and wondered when he had stopped caring about what he looked like. He had always been careful with his personal hygiene and had put a lot of stock in his appearance. The old him would have never been caught dead looking like he did at that moment. Apart from the puffiness of his face and the bloodshot eyes, his lips were dry and chapped and the skin under his eyes was more than merely dark. No wonder why Sharpie had been looking more concerned and strained lately. He looked like walking death.

How and when had this happened, he asked himself as he reached for a towel and dried his face off.  He searched his lacunae-ridden memory, but couldn’t find an actual time when the decline had started and that touched off a distant pang of what he realized was worry. Shit. He really would have to-

“Uhm...will you be done soon? I’d like to use the bathroom, today, if that would be possible?”

Jonathan opened his mouth to speak and made a quiet croaking sound. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Yeah. Hang on on.” He rasped out as he replaced the towel on the rack and went to open the door.

  And nearly slammed it shut when he saw the _loup_ that had abruptly woken him up.

Ryan Miller stood in the hall, his hair mussed up and his eyes almost as puffy as his own. Although Jonathan knew that Ryan wasn’t a threat and that he was with Theodore and Souray, he couldn’t stay neutral around him.  Part of him still wanted Ryan Miller like he wanted him in November. But the memory of unwelcome and unwanted lust overwhelmed him and he honestly thought he was going to be physically sick. He needed to get away from Miller and find Sharpie to make it all go away. And he needed to do that fast.

Ryan wiped the last of the sleep clinging to him and took a closer look at Jonathan Roy, who was holding on to himself and looking worse than he did standing on the porch. His face looked grey and the circles under his eyes were so dark that they looked like bruises. He was shivering and his eyes were pure silver and that made Ryan’s uneasiness about letting Roy and Sharp stay in the house with Jose return.

Ryan didn’t want to be over-protective of Theo, but the sight of how badly messed up Jonathan was made his earlier feelings about the situation return tenfold. If the kid had just been sullen, he would have kept his feelings to himself. But seeing him looking as sick as a junkie made his protective instincts rocket through the roof. Jonathan Roy needed professional help, not Theo. This kid would suck him dry and leave him even worse off than he had been when Shel had first met him. And if it came down to choosing between Jonathan and Theo, he would always choose his Theo.

He didn’t suspect he had projected any of his emotions onto the kid, but after he had thought that, Jonathan’s face turned and even sicklier shade of grey. Ryan felt a twinge of pity for a second and was about to ask the kid if he was all right when he saw Jonathan swallow hard before he roughly pushed past him. He stumbled a bit in the hallway as he rushed to the living room and the noise brought everyone out of their respective areas.

“What the fuck?” Sheldon exclaimed as he rushed out of the bedroom at the same time that Sharp and Theo appeared from the living room. Sharp saw Jonathan’s panicked reaction and he rushed towards him, pulling him into his arms in all too practiced gesture.  He tried to remain on his feet and catch Jonathan, but the clumsy momentum of Jonathan’s frantic movements made them both collapse in a untidy heap in the middle of the hallway where Sharp rocked him back and forth and smoothed his hair back in an effort to calm him.

Jonathan gasped as if he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs and clung onto Sharp’s hoodie with a white-knuckle death grip. He kept breathing that way for a minute or two before Sharp’s efforts paid off. He started breathing normally and let his eyes fall shut. In minutes, he was fast asleep, his panic attack having completely drained what little bit of strength he had remaining.

Sharp didn’t move or look up until he was sure that Jonathan was not going to wake up. Once he did, he looked up at the other _loups_ , who had kept a respectful distance around them. He expected to see disgust or anger on their faces, the two emotions that he had encountered whenever Jonathan had become overwhelmed by a situation.

To his surprise, Souray’s eyes were shadowed and full of pity and remembrance.  Miller’s face was wary and the tightness around his eyes and mouth softened only slightly when he looked at Sharp. Yet when he looked at Jonathan, the tightness came back and he had to turn towards Theo as if to reassure himself that whatever the young _loup_ was experiencing wasn’t going to affect his mate.

As for Theo himself, his eyes were full of mixed pity, sadness and another emotion that Sharp couldn’t quite put his finger on. The rest of his face was as still as a theatre mask and gave no clue as to what the third emotion possibly could be. Sharp didn’t have time to wonder about it, since Theo pointed towards the closed door that was the farthest away from the bathroom and the bedroom that Sheldon had come out.

“That’s the spare bedroom. We’ll see you in the morning.” Theo told him in a matter of fact voice before he walked towards Souray and pulled him into what Sharp now realized was their shared bedroom. It was only then that the mask slipped and showed a tired and softer Theo to Souray when they looked at each other. Miller only inclined his head in acknowledgement as he lightly touched both of their backs, getting their attention and nodding to his mates before going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. The bedroom door shut behind Souray and Theo a second later, leaving Sharp alone with a burden that suddenly felt all too heavy for him to bear for much longer.

0~0~0~0~

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to have them here, despite the way you feel about the situation.” Ryan told Jose once they were all in the master bedroom with the door closed securely behind them.

Jose smiled humourlessly as he pulled off his shirt and threw it at the clothes hamper before he turned to face Ryan, who was standing by the closet. Sheldon sat at the edge of the bed and watched both of them with heavy-lidded eyes that flickered back and forth between his two mates. He wasn’t ready to add his opinion yet and felt that he should stay out of it unless things would get out of hand.

“I thought that we had already decided on what was going to happen with Sharp and Roy, Ryan.” Jose said flatly as he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off. He reached over to the chair where they threw their pyjama bottoms and t-shirts and hurriedly threw some on before he faced Ryan.

Ryan grimaced and ran his hands through his hair before he went up to Jose and put his hands on his mate’s shoulders. They stood like that for a few moments before Ryan’s hands went to cup his face.

“We did and I’m not telling you that it was the wrong thing to do, but I’m concerned about the situation. You have to admit that little freak out wasn’t normal behaviour. He’s got bigger problems than you, Sheldon or I or even Sharp can handle. I just feel that you should seriously think about your decision again. That’s all.”

Ryan told him quietly, his green eyes wide with concern and with the desire to make Jose understand that although it was a wonderfully altruistic gesture, it very possibly could be the wrong one. And if it was, the price to pay could very well be the highest and the most painful that they ever had in the past. And he wasn’t going to do it if he didn’t have to.

Jose looked away as he contemplated Ryan’s words and he was very still. But when he looked at his second mate again, his eyes were silver and very sad. This sudden sadness took Ryan aback and he didn’t know how to react to it. It was so deep that Sheldon got off the bed and moved towards them both, despite wanting to stay neutral over the proceedings.

“I have thought about it as I talked to Sharp and as we were watching Jonathan have a massive panic attack. I really have and even though he’s my past staring up at me...I can’t turn him away. Not when there’s the chance there to make things right for the both of us. I know that I should just walk away and tell them to leave. Or that I should be getting some kind of satisfaction that Roy’s finally getting what he deserves.” Jose paused and bit his lip to ease the tangle of emotions that were welling up in him. He laughed softly and shook his head.

“And for a bit, I did feel satisfaction at finally seeing Jonathan experience the same hell that I used to when I was his age. Just for a slight minute, I felt that what I had gone through was finally being righted.” He bit his lip and Sheldon wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. Ryan’s hands shook against Jose’s face as he heard his mate confess his emotions. He felt hollow in his anger and horror, but he didn’t know if it was because of Jose’s feelings at that moment or because of what he had gone through. Yes, he knew. He understood that Jose had been wounded and that there were scars. He just didn’t know how deep the wound went or how much healing there needed to be still.

“But when the thought crossed my mind, I was disgusted with myself for even thinking that. No one deserves to go through that hell. He had as little choice in the matter as I did. We were both kids and we lost our innocence in circumstances out of our control. And I would have killed for someone to have saved me like Sharp is doing with him at his age. Someone did eventually and it shouldn’t have been their responsibility. But they took it and they didn’t know how to deal with someone so broken either. But they persevered and here we are.”

Jose smiled briefly as he turned his head to look at Sheldon, who smiled sadly before he kissed his temple briefly.

“I understand. But I don’t want it to happen to you again. I don’t want to see you lose yourself within his demons and then lose you. And it’s not just me...Shel’s worried too.” Ryan pleaded softly.

Jose pulled away from both of them and shook his head. Sheldon shot Ryan a dirty look before he finally decided to enter the conversation.

“I’m worried...but if I order you to stop and send them out of the house, that’s me acting on my fears and showing you that I don’t trust you to take care of yourself.” He looked down at the carpet and sighed heavily before he looked up at his first mate. “I offered you freedom in November. And it’s there whenever you want it. Be it by leaving us, or by doing what you feel is right. I will only step in if I feel you’re harming yourself.”

Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but Sheldon raised a hand to stop his protests.

“No. I won’t pull rank on either of you unless it is necessary, but right now, that’s how the matter stands. I understand where both of you are coming from at this point in time, but until it is certain how things will go...Sharp and Roy stay.”

~0~0~0~0~

 _The cement is freezing and the cheap camping blankets that they gave them do very little to keep the cold out. The stench of the big paint bucket lined with a black garbage bag they use to relieve themselves was getting bad, but no one had emptied it out yet. No one dared complain. Especially not after they had sat and listened to Marc-Andre’s hands being methodically broken and the screaming that invariably followed the action._

 _That was the night that they pulled out Backstrom, Crosby, Huet and Theodore. They left him and Enstrom behind. He can’t look at Enstrom, because he doesn’t want to see the same painful fear that he knows is in eyes being reflected back at him. They know what is happening to Backstrom and Crosby. They can hear what is happening to Huet and Theodore. What is the point of speaking when they know the horror that is going on right at very minute? What is the point of reassurances when they know it’s only a matter of time for them? It’s the equivalent of hiding under the covers and pretending it is enough to keep the night horrors away._

 _So they remain quiet and wrapped up in their meagre blankets until they get taken away from them. The other wolves are sadists and enjoy tormenting them just for something to do. They have already made Backstrom cry in frustration and exhaustion. He’s cried too, but he’s had practice hiding his tears. He’s sure that he’s seen Crosby’s eyes looking a bit red-rimmed also, but it could just be the lack of sleep and the dust that is practically in everything in this derelict, makeshift prison. He doesn’t know and he isn’t about to push the issue either._

 _He shuddered and huddled deeper into his thin blanket and willed himself to get at least a little bit of sleep before they came back and tormented them again. It felt like he had just closed his eyes to grab some sleep when he heard the clinking of keys and the squeak of the door being opened. He immediately felt his face heat up and his guts clench at the sound. Shit._

 _He lay perfectly still and squeezed his eyes shut even harder and willed his heart to stop beating so rapidly. He knew it was a childish hope that they would ignore him, but he was going to try it just in case. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and focused on nothingness until his heart had slowed down somewhat and he was calmer than before. He was sure that he had succeeded when he heard nothing but the sounds of his and Enstrom’s breathing and relaxed even more._

 _Jonathan’s illusions were shattered when he was grabbed by the arms and pulled out of the cage. He heard Enstrom make a choked off noise and it was then that he opened his eyes and saw two of the normal wolves pulling him out. One of them had his hand over his mouth and Enstrom managed to shoot him a fear-filled look before he was whisked away and out of sight. Jonathan heard them drag him away and then...silence._

 _He heard footsteps and he craned his neck to see who it was. He cringed and backed away from him. But there was nowhere else to go once his back had hit the metal bars of the cage. There’s soft, mocking laughter that followed his actions along with his blankets getting ripped away._

 _This is then followed by his hair grabbed roughly and his face jerked up. He’s shivering and his eyes are wide as he stares into the face of his captor. He thinks he may get hit next, but he finds out that’s not the plan when his clothes start getting ripped off his body._

 _He fights and does get loose, surprising the wolf. He pulls up his torn trousers and pulls on his shirt and nearly makes it out when he hears a snarl behind him. It motivates him to go faster, but the other wolf is bigger and meaner than him. He gets taken down a couple of steps away from the cage and gets dragged in._

 _He lay face-down on the gritty basement cement and only heard the sound of blood rushing into his ears before hands grabbed his shoulders and-“_

He sat bolt upright in bed, the scream locked behind his teeth as he slowly realized that he wasn’t lying on that dirty cement floor and was lying in a bed. He turned his head and saw that there was a hand on his shoulder. But it was Sharpie’s.

Jonathan looked away and exhaled to release some of his panic. He took a few more deep breaths before he felt he was somewhat back to normal and the nightmare didn’t have its hooks into him anymore.

“You want some water?” Sharpie asked as he removed his hand from his shoulder and reached over to the bedside lamp and switched it on. Jonathan blinked at the suddenness of the light before he slid off the bed and left the room without a word.

Although it irritated Sharpie somewhat, he let it slide. It was some kind of improvement that Jonathan hadn’t shaken his hand off. Most of the time, when Sharp had tried to comfort him, Jonathan had sullenly told him he was fine and that he wanted to be alone. Or would leave the room in sulky silence and hid out in the kitchen until he was sure that Sharp had returned to his own room.

He hadn’t let him offer physical comfort ever. A half-hug was all that he ever tolerated and Sharpie was lucky if it lasted more than a few seconds. Yeah, it was an improvement that even though it was small, he would have to be satisfied with. Considering that his anxiety attack earlier had been pretty bad, this was a good sign indeed.

He debated going after Jonathan, but as soon as the thought had crossed his mind, the younger _loup_ had reappeared carrying two glasses of water. He pushed the door closed with his foot and walked over to the bed and handed Sharpie the other glass before he sat down on what he had claimed as his side.

“Thank you.” Sharpie gave his thanks, earning him a split-second of a warm glance before Jonathan downed half of his water in one long gulp. He polished off the water, put the glass on the other end table before Sharpie even had a quarter of his done and laid down to sleep with his back to Sharpie.

Sharp had to admit that the gesture hurt and really tried to push all of his negative feelings about the situation away. He understood and knew that Jonathan wasn’t well and tried to accept that this was going to happen from time to time. He also tried to remind himself that despite the thoughtless gesture, Jonathan had remembered to bring him water when he didn’t have to.

He stifled a sigh and put his empty glass down on the night-table before he turned out the lights and settled back into bed, careful to keep some distance between him and Jonathan. He had just found a comfortable spot and was about to drift off again when he felt Jonathan move closer to him and only _just_ press himself against his back.

“Welcome.” He heard Jonathan mumble before they both gave into sleep once more.

Jonathan dreamed about cold winters in Quebec after that. Sharp dreamed of bright and clear aquamarine seas.

Neither of them woke up until the alarm buzzed.

~*~*~*~

 ****

_“Control, Control, You need it in the worst way, babe._

 _Control, Control, I need it in the worst way, babe._

 _And if you ever come back, I will let you. Always” Neverending White Lights_

 _Early March_

Jonathan woke up that morning and groaned when he looked at the calendar. It was getting closer and closer to his birthday and it seemed like there was no fucking way he was going to get away from the Western Alpha’s house. Well, he could technically call up Frederick, swallow his pride and beg his little brother to front him some cash to get him back to Chicago and wait for Sharpie to catch up with him. The minute though, that he got that idea, his stomach started tying itself into knots and he had to look over his shoulder to make sure that Sharpie was still sprawled out on the bed beside him.

Yep. Sharpie was there. Hair spread messily over his face and the sheets just barely covering his ass as he slept on. The sight of him looking so open and vulnerable made an unexpected smile creep up on Jonathan’s face and before he could help it, he was smoothing out some loose strands behind his ear. Sharpie frowned in his sleep and Jonathan quickly pulled his hand away. He didn’t want to get caught in the act, despite having a vague idea that Sharpie somehow _wouldn’t_ mind much.

But he wasn’t sure. Sometimes, he thought that Sharpie liked him more than just the usual room-mate kind of like. Just small things, like remembering his favourite chocolate bar when he went to get groceries or how he would stroke his hair when he thought Jonathan was asleep. Or being patient with him whenever he wasn’t having a good day and just wanted to shut himself away from everyone and everything. And when the day ended, letting Jonathan wrap his arms around him for much needed comfort. He knew that if Sharpie didn’t feel something a bit _more_ than friendship for him, he would have already said something about it.

He then had to ask himself how he felt about the fact that he was starting to have feelings for Sharpie that were in some grey area that was a step beyond brotherly, yet fell quite a bit behind romantic. Before entering his father’s world, he only liked women. But afterwards...that had been the farthest thing from his mind. He had found himself, when he did have desire creep up on him unexpectedly, thinking about Ryan Miller. He had always woken up ashamed of those dreams and did his best to block them out. But lately, they had been featuring someone not as angular and darker and with light eyes. It wasn’t _quite_ Sharpie and he would deny it to himself. But he knew it.

 Luckily, or unluckily the memory of what Sharpie had said to him when his father had left always tended to shut that off fairly quickly. Despite his relief at having it shut away, it left him vaguely pissed off, sad and anxious. He hated this and chalked it up to his fucked up emotions and the remnants of the time he had spent trapped with all the other _loups_. Or maybe it was seeing Theodore and the memories of that confusing and fucked up day that he still wasn’t really sure he had seen behind his mixed up emotions. After all, he had been a kid and had been pretty ill. So he wasn’t sure what had been real and what had been a fever dream.

He didn’t know what it was, but he knew that Sharpie wanted him to talk to Theodore about stuff before anything could happen. Well, if it was supposed to happen. He personally didn’t want to and he knew it was simply childish bullshit, but the more he was prodded, the more annoyed and obstinate he was becoming about the entire situation. He just wanted to have some space to actually get his head back in order before he could even _begin_ to approach the situation. If it was up to him, he’d just ignore it for awhile longer and start to build up to being normal again. Like actually taking care of himself, his stuff and dealing with the feelings he was having towards Sharpie. But he was starting to worry that if he kept putting it off and avoiding Theodore, Sharpie was going to get fed up and ship him off to Quebec City and to the gilded cage that his family would no doubt put him in. And that would mean no Sharpie and no chance at-

He clicked those thoughts off roughly before he got out of bed and pulled on whatever he found lying on the ground. He winced at the combined mess he and Sharpie had in the guest bedroom and made a mental note to get some laundry done. Yeah, he didn’t want to be in the Alpha’s home, but he also didn’t have to be an all out asshole and make the place look like shit.

Having made that resolution, he went to the kitchen and hoped that Theodore wasn’t there. He just wanted a cup of tea before he took care of the laundry and built up his courage to actually start talking to Theodore about...

“Gah.” He muttered as he ran his hand through his hair and winced at the oiliness of it.

Maybe a shower, _then_ the cup of tea and laundry. Yeah. That sounded more reasonable than just tea and laundry. Besides, as much as he hated to admit it, it would buy him more time to put his plan in motion.

He took a shower and was pleased at how much better his hair was looking despite him not really taking care of it other than washing it. He also didn’t wince when he looked at himself in the mirror. Although he wasn’t looking _quite_ the same as he used to, at least he didn’t look like a fucking zombie. Huh.

He went back to the guest room and picked out the cleanest of the clothes before shoving the rest of his and Sharpie’s stuff into a plastic laundry basket and carrying it downstairs to the laundry area. He separated the colours from the whites and put in the first load. He was going to sit there and wait, but his stomach growled and he knew that he wouldn’t get any peace until he had the much-delayed cup of tea and maybe a couple of muffins or oatmeal or something like that.

 His thoughts were all about breakfast and maybe having more quiet time for himself that was all. But when he saw a bristling Ryan and a calm Theodore in the kitchen, he knew that all his plans had somehow gone to shit and that something big and probably really fucked up was going to happen. He sighed and tried to keep it cool. He could totally do that for twenty minutes. Yep. Totally.

~O~O~O~O

Ryan could barely contain the anger that felt like ice water as it coursed down his veins as he watched Jonathan enter the kitchen where he and Jose had been sharing a companionable cup of tea together. Sheldon was taking a shower and Sharpie was still dead to the world. He was an early riser, but on the weekends, he did like to have a bit of a lie in, so they let him be. Usually Jonathan was with him, but occasionally he did get up earlier and sat outside until Sharpie came to fetch him. Or if Theo tried to talk to him, which then had him almost running inside and ignoring Theo until the other _loup_ gave up and shut himself into his office.

Although Ryan had promised that he wasn’t going to interfere, he could see that the constant sullen rudeness his good intentions were being treated with were taking its toll on his Theo. There was tightness to his mouth that hadn’t been there before and dark smudges were starting to take up permanent residence under his eyes. Sheldon had noticed the signs, but had decided to wait a little longer, despite Ryan’s insistence that they had to act sooner rather than later. Although he understood the reluctance of Sheldon to act, he was starting to wonder if they were simply prolonging the problem. And he could admit to himself that he was starting to get very, very frustrated with the situation that not even almost nightly bouts of running and sex were helping to curb the anger he felt whenever he saw Jonathan acting like a little fucker.

Yes, he understood that the kid was wounded and that he needed time to come to terms with things. But Jonathan didn’t seem to be making any effort to meet Theo half-way and was driving most of them to distraction. Even Sharpie was starting to get that frayed around the edges look and Souray was forcing him out into the woods despite his reluctance to leave Jonathan alone. They all knew that they were getting really close to a breaking point. The question was when it did happen how bad the aftermath was going to be for all of them and how they would be able to minimize the damage that it would invariably cause.

This was what was going through his mind as he watched Jonathan fill the electric tea kettle with water and turn it on. He then rummaged in the cupboards for tea and a cup before he turned to look at them. Or rather shifted his eyes in their vague direction before mumbling a greeting and pretending to be _really_ interested in the red light of the kettle.

Theo and Ryan returned the greeting and Jonathan kind of went red across the cheekbones at that and an uncomfortable silence fell in the kitchen after that. Ryan moved to leave, because he was sure that he would snap at Jonathan simply for being there and despite his annoyance with the little brat, he didn’t think it was fair to do so. He had turned to go when Theo spoke.

“What are you doing today, Jonathan?” Theo asked as he put his cup down on the table.

Jonathan’s cheekbones got redder and he looked up at Theo with an expression that was partly annoyance and partly disbelief. As if it was something completely out of the ordinary that Theo of all people had spoken to him.

“Staying away from you again, you fucking whore. Leave me the fuck alone. I don’t fucking want to talk to you, all right? Just fucking leave me alone already! I’m sick of you trying to talk to me about shit! I don’t fucking need help from you! Not after you took my dad away! And not now when you’re going to take my future away! So fucking stop already!!” He shouted and went dead white after he had realized what he had just said. He turned away from the kettle and looked at Theo, who seemed as if he was turned to stone. Ryan stopped dead still and he turned to look at Jonathan. His eyes were gold and Jonathan’s own were wide and still that sparkling clear blue, but they looked too wide and too unnatural in the ashy grey pallor of his face.

Jonathan opened his mouth to speak, but it was too late. Ryan flung the coffee cup in his direction and it was only his reflexes that stopped him from getting it square in the head. As it was, the shards that flew from the broken cup cut his face and neck and when he straightened up, Ryan noticed that he was too shocked to wipe the rivulets of blood seeping from the small wounds.

“You ungrateful little bastard!” Ryan growled out before he pounced on him. Or would have when Theo came out of nowhere, it seemed, and sucker punched him hard enough to make his head snap back. Theo grabbed the neck of Jonathan’s hoodie after that and raised his fist to give him another punch. Oh it was on.

“You fucking little shit! I never took away your bastard of a father! He took me away, you spoiled asshole!” Theo snarled, making Ryan’s eyes widen in surprise. Although he had seen Theo upset and angry before, he hadn’t ever really heard him swear. Or hit anyone before. Sure, they had had scuffles, but it had been all in fun. He always thought that Theo was the calmest out of all of them, so seeing him trying to beat Jonathan into a pulp was simply not computing in his mind.

He was still gaping in shock when Sharpie ran into the kitchen and took in Jose rearing back his left fist for another punch at Jonathan, whose nose was already gushing blood. That punch landed with a thick, harsh thwack and Jonathan’s nose bled out even more.

“Theo! Fuck! Theo! Stop it!” Ryan shouted out as he rushed over to pry them apart. Although he was beyond furious at what Jonathan had just said his anger had drained out when he saw the way that Jose’s face was pulled into a mask of sheer animal fury as he reached out to lay out another on Jonathan.

 But Theo wasn’t having any of it and continued on pounding out all of his frustrations onto Jonathan, who let out a couple of squawks in surprise before he started to fight back.

“Fuck you! I know what the hell you did with my dad, you fucking whore!” Jonathan shouted as he ducked the blow and got a couple of hard rabbit punches in. Which weren’t enough to stop Theo when he pulled Jonathan down and slammed his knee hard into his chest. Jonathan gasped, but hit back, catching Jose in the ear and forcing him to let go and give him enough room to attack anew.

“Theo! Let go of him! Theo! For fuck’s sake, let the kid go! You’re going to kill him! Theo!” Sharpie was now shouting at him and trying to get into the fray like Ryan was and utterly failing miserably as well, since both Jonathan and Theo weren’t about to give up their battle. Both of them somehow managed to slip out of Ryan’s and Sharpie’s grasps as they stumbled out of the narrow confines of the kitchen, but not before they had taken turns slamming each other into the cupboards and breaking some of the doors off their hinges while punching each other as hard and as fast as they could.

They weren’t shouting at each other now and had reverted to snarling and growling as they slammed each other into walls and tables, breaking the dining room table along with any dishes and cups nearby. They then broke the coffee table when they made it into the living room while being followed by Ryan and Sharpie, who were shouting at them to stop and trying with no luck to get them apart.

It was looking like they were simply going to destroy the living room next when Sheldon appeared. Ryan and Sharpe stood still, sensing the anger that was flowing off of the Western Alpha in waves as he took in the fighting _loups_ , the trail of blood splatters and the destroyed rooms with bright golden eyes. Although he seemed eerily calm, he was taking everything in and deciding on who or what he could let his fury fly on safely. He watched the fighting go on for a few more minutes before he decided to end it.

“Theo! Jonathan! Stop it. Now.” He didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t have to. The sheer power he infused that simple command in was enough to make Theo and Jonathan shove each other away and stand before the Alpha with their eyes fixed on the ground and their shoulders hunched up to their ears. Although they were still furious at each other, neither of them could disobey the Alpha once he had spoken.

“Go into the woods and either talk or fight. I don’t care which one it is. But if you don’t have anything resolved by the time this is fixed, Jonathan and Sharp will leave and you, Jose Theodore, will have _nothing_ to do with them again. Understood?”

Jose jerked his head in a sharp nod and looked at Jonathan with gold eyes. Jonathan wiped away some of the blood with his sleeve before he slowly nodded his consent to Sheldon.

“Now get out of my sight. Both of you.”

~O~O~O~O~

Although they were bloody, bruised and still furious with each other over their battle, they followed the compulsion of their Alpha to the letter and it wasn’t until they had gone pretty far into the woods that they began their fight anew.

They didn’t get into the physical aspect of it though, despite both of them being filled with adrenaline from their interrupted scrap. Jose because he was sure he would kill the little bastard and Jonathan because he knew that the fight was just a diversion for the real issue between them. He was also feeling vague stirrings of guilt for saying all those things he had said to Theodore earlier. But he was still determined to draw as much blood as possible because he didn’t know how to back away gracefully and admit he had fucked up.

Nor could he figure out how to actually _begin_ to talk to Theodore. So he wiped at his dripping nose again and to his surprise and Theodore’s, he started to talk. Disjointedly and in a rush, but he started to talk.

 “I saw you...before when I was young, ok?” he spat out, making Jose blink in shock as he too was blotting blood from a split lip away. Jonathan noticed his reaction and lowered his bloody hand and wiped it on the side of his jeans.

“I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was really sick and they sent me home from school. I was sleeping, but I heard the noises. I thought it was my dad and my mom and I went to the hall to see them. But it was him and you. He was kissing you and telling you he needed something from his desk before you were supposed to go. You kissed him back as soon as he had finished talking and you both went into his office. He never saw me there.” Jonathan finished quietly before he looked up at Theodore.

“He kept pictures of you. In his desk. I found them when I was ten and he wrote stuff on the backs. Dates. Places. He would leave my mother after fighting with her and she would cry and ask him if he was going to his whore. She wasn’t happy again and my dad started missing important things because he was with you. And we couldn’t be part of that world of his, because we weren’t _loups_. ” Jonathan spat out the last bit, making Jose’s face drain of blood at the revelations.

Jose had known that there were pictures. He had hated Roy taking them, but he had endured the humiliation due to his cursed weakness. Besides, if he had ever dared complain, he would have received a worse punishment than he was usually given. So he had endured being photographed while he was posed like a whore for Roy’s private amusement. And this child had found them and been witness to his shame. And he hated him for it, despite it not being his fault.

Jonathan grinned mirthlessly at Jose, unable to stop what he had kept hidden for years.

“He hid it, but we knew he wasn’t happy with us. We just knew it, whenever he came back from that place and from being with you. We got older, and he started showing his disappointment more. We couldn’t please him. No matter what we did. And he started leaving us alone more and more. He left my mother and then...nothing.”

Jonathan came closer and Jose could see that one of his eyes was starting to swell and Jose was sort of proud and kind of disgusted at the damage he could do when he put his mind to it. If only he had had that power before, maybe he wouldn’t be in the middle of the woods hearing Jonathan’s story that was too similar to his own, except that his father had sold him in the end. He would have been free under his own merits. Theo did gain his freedom though, when Shel had paid his price and knew that Jonathan understood that he had somehow gotten his freedom from his father. He gathered that much from the emphasis that Jonathan put on the word “nothing.”

“And just when I thought I was free from him and accepted that I would never be what he wanted me to be...this all happens. I got turned. I got told I was going to get a death sentence for something I didn’t even _remember_ doing. Then I get put in a fucking cage by psychos.” He paused and looked away into the trees. His jaw was taut and his Adam’s apple kept bobbing up and down as he frantically swallowed as he fought to get the rest out. Jose closed his eyes briefly and rubbed his face roughly as he could only guess at what was going to come next. He knew that there was something more to this than just resentment at his father’s seeming abandonment and his subsequent traumatic entry into the _loup_ courts. He had known it the minute he had seen him, but it hadn’t become clear.

“It hurt. When the first one did it. They taped my mouth shut with duct tape when I tried to scream and made me look at them until I learned how to hide up here.” He tapped his temple as he kept on staring at the trees. “I stopped fighting the second one. He didn’t like it and then everyone came back and they let me get clean. They started beating you up then and all hell broke loose. I figured if I didn’t talk about it...it didn’t happen.”

Jose swallowed hard himself and wondered if he should say anything when Jonathan started speaking again after that brief interlude.

“I wanted my dad after that. I figured that I was finally what he wanted he would stay and tell me that it was just...that it didn’t happen. But he didn’t stay. He threw me away again. And all I got is Sharpie and I don’t want to lose him...but if Sharpie knows...”

“Sharpie’s not going to leave.” Jose told him quietly, but firmly. Jonathan sneered at him, but it was more of a reflex than out of malice and held very little spite.

“My father _left_ you. And he liked you above everything else. Including _us_. So what would keep Sharpie from leaving?”

Jose laughed hollowly at that, surprising Jonathan.

“Your father didn’t love me, if that’s what you think. He _bought_ me when I was fifteen. He beat me, abused me and raped me. Whatever your father felt for me, it certainly wasn’t love. He beat me and raped me so badly that it was a miracle I could play some times. I think I was covered in bruises for about four years straight. If it hadn’t been for Sheldon, I would still be his prisoner. That’s what was going on between us.” Jose told him, his words clipped and harsh as he forced himself to not go back and relive the nightmare that his life had been from fifteen to twenty-six when Shel had saved him.

Jonathan’s eyes widened and he shook his head jerkily as if the action would make Jose’s words untrue.

“No! That’s not true! My father-no, you’re fucking lying. No.” He cried out in horror, while Jose simply stared at him, his face neutral despite his emotions going overboard within him.

“He...he...used to leave us to spend time with you. And the pictures! No...why...why would he do...”Jonathan trailed off his eyes showing white all around as he forced his brain to reconcile his distant, proud, difficult to please yet loving father with the sick, sadistic monster that Jose had known. He wanted to deny what Jose was telling him and keep on seeing his father like he had always shown himself to Jonathan and the rest of his family. He wanted to push it all away and at least keep that from his past life.

Yet when he looked at Jose and looked into his honey eyes, he knew then that he was the only one keen on perpetrating the lie.  Jose had the same look in his eyes that he had been seeing in the mirror since November. Although he was really good at hiding it, there was still a hint of it if he wasn’t guarded enough. There was always a shadow in his eyes that was only lifted when The Alpha and his mate were around. It was there in the way he held himself and how anyone could see how Jose had to _remind_ himself that he didn’t have to bolt when someone had gotten too close to his personal space. How he would be the one to initiate touch yet would react with surprise if someone reached out first.

 They were all the things he found himself doing after November and the only way that Jose could have developed those physical manifestations of his scars was to go through his own hell. A hell that Jonathan knew beyond a doubt had been unlocked by his father. He had known, on some level, what kinds of cruelties his father could be capable of. He had known that it was more than neglect and separation that finally made his mother take that last step, despite both of them assuring him that nothing of that sort had happened. After all, he had gotten into that fight at his father’s urging in yet another futile effort to live up to his ideals.

Besides, Jose had agreed and had been trying to help him. There was no reason for the man to try and manipulate him. After all, there was nothing he could really gain from doing so.

So he had to believe that it was true. But he couldn’t accept it just yet. Not when it had come out so soon and so fast.

“Oh fuck!” he whispered as his knees gave way and he landed on the forest floor in front of Jose, who knelt down beside him, but kept a respectful distance between them. Jonathan took a deep shuddering breath before he looked at Jose.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say to you, but I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry...”his voice trailed off as Jose’s face cracked in grief before he pulled Jonathan into his arms.

“Me too.”

~*~*~*~*~

_“_ _I wanna see you falling so I can help you up_

 _Catch you at the bottom push you back to the top_

 _I can’t seem to slow down when I worry about you_

 _And I’m running, I’m running to you”- Misstress Barbara and Sam Roberts_

 

“Ow! Ow!” Jonathan complained as Sharpie dabbed at the cuts on his face with a wet washcloth. They had vacated the kitchen once they had felt the waves of desire emanating from the Alpha and his mate. Sharpie had visited the main bathroom for a washcloth once he was sure that the coast was clear and was now busy cleaning up Jonathan’s face, since the younger _loup_ was reluctant to do it himself for some reason.

That was why they were sitting on the edge of their bed, with Jonathan still dressed in the same filthy clothing while enduring Sharpie’s administrations. Although he was being careful to not aggravate the bruises on Jonathan’s face, it was still painful going. The cuts were numerous and Sharpie was sure that he would have to re-break and re-set Jonathan’s nose, since it was still very swollen, despite it being almost six hours since the Alpha had stepped in and forced the end of the fight.

“Quit whining. I’m nearly done. Besides, your nose is going to be the bigger problem. How does it feel?”  Sharpie asked as he daubed the dried blood away from the cut and saw, to his surprise and relief that it was almost closed up. He took a look at the other cuts and saw that they were all sealed up, the dried blood being the only sign that there was an injury on the site. He did a couple of more spot checks until Jonathan pulled away, making a face and a noise similar to what he used to make when his mum had wiped at spots on his face.

“Hurts a bit, but it’s not broken.” Jonathan replied hastily, interpreting Sharpie’s thoughtful look correctly and went on hurriedly to explain that Jose checked it out before they had come back. He pushed his sweaty, sticky hair away from his face and Sharpie only stared at him, since he didn’t exactly know what to say to Jonathan.

Or rather, he didn’t know what to say to _this_ Jonathan. Not that he minded the change, but he was slightly unprepared for this new version of the sudden kid he had become used to.  This Jonathan had touched him and had let him fuss over the slight injuries left over the fight. He had looked him in the eyes and had finally acknowledged everything.

It was all that he had wanted, yet he was still unsure as to how to proceed. Especially now that the door had been slightly cracked open and all he wanted to do was run right through it to find the man he knew was waiting for them there. But he couldn’t. Not if he wanted to bring everything crashing down around their ears.

“That’s good then. I wasn’t looking forward to breaking and setting it.” Sharpie replied as he dropped the washcloth onto the night-table on his side of the bed. Jonathan winced at that.

“Me neither. Uh, I...That is...uh...” Jonathan tried to say something; but he kept on stumbling on what he wanted to say. Sharpie watched this and it made him wonder if he had been a bit too optimistic about Jonathan’s sudden breakthrough and they were going back to square one again. Despite his fears he waited patiently and watched Jonathan turn red and stutter a few more times before he finally shut his mouth. He took a deep breath and let it out before he spoke again.

“I...I think we need to talk about stuff. “He finally managed to get out, surprising Sharpie with his quiet announcement. 

Sharpie blinked, but nodded in agreement. He was about to ask what exactly Jonathan wanted to talk about, but Jonathan raised a hand to still any questions.

“I have to take a shower though and do the laundry. When I come back...” he trailed off and looked down at his hands, which had somehow gotten utterly filthy between the morning and the evening before he looked up again.  It was then that Sharpie noticed Jonathan’s eyes were clear, wide and...Uncertain. He reached out and gently put his hand on that slight shoulder. Although Jonathan sort of twitched, he didn’t jerk away from Sharpie’s touch.

“Jonathan, I’ll be here. Whatever it is that you want to talk about, we’ll talk about it, okay? You don’t have to worry.” Sharpie told him, his voice low and fervent as he spoke. Jonathan looked at him, keeping his eyes fixed on him for more than a few moments before he nodded.

“Even if it’s pretty bad?” Jonathan whispered, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his nervousness, his eyes going a silvery green and making him look much younger than his years.

Sharpie didn’t say anything right away as he wondered what would be so bad for a twenty-year old to look as if his life was depending on what his answer was going to be. He knew that Jonathan’s only crime had been turning Miller. And that was a matter of semantics, since he hadn’t a clue as to what he had been doing due to the metamorphosis his mind and body had been going through.

The only other thing he could think of was that Jose had finally told him everything and Jonathan was afraid that Sharpie would reject him because of his familial associations.

Sharpie had questioned himself even before this had come up, whether he could stand to be associated to the Playmaker and his son. Especially after he had spoken to Jose that first night when he had been seeking asylum for them both. Jose didn’t have to spell out anything to him. He had known enough to read the lines between the anger the Western Consort had shown that first night and had filled in the rest after the conversation he had just had with the Western Alpha. He had known, but he wasn’t going to condemn the son because of the sins of the father. He had made up his mind about everything the minute that he had agreed to take Jonathan and that included whatever sins he felt like divesting himself of.

“Yeah. Even that’s fine.” Sharpie finally replied, making Jonathan’s eyes go back to their normal aquamarine blue before he sagged with relief. He nodded before he stood up and went to the door.

“Cool. I, um, I’ll be back in about twenty then. Ok?” he asked, looking a bit doubtful again.

Sharpie bit his lip and nodded. Jonathan was too cute for words sometimes and even though Sharpie found it adorable, he figured that it wasn’t the time or place to display his reaction. Jonathan gave him a shy smile before he left and closed the door behind him.

Sharpie sighed before he got off the bed and went to the kitchen. Maybe he could have some tea while he waited. He figured that some caffeine wouldn’t hurt while he waited and it would keep him busy rather than wondering if there was anything else that Jonathan wanted to share apart from his family secrets. Or at least what he felt that they were.

~O~O~O~O~

 Once he was out in the hall, Jonathan paused and took a deep breath to steady his heart, since it was beating so fast that he was afraid it was going to burst out of his chest. It hadn’t been that bad and even though he had complete faith in Jose’s words, it was still with a fearful and heavy heart that he had approached Sharpie. He put his hand over his chest and slowly breathed in and out until he was more or less back to normal. It was only then that he went to the laundry room to finish off the neglected laundry. Luckily their entire laundry had amounted to two loads, so he just had to fill the washer and dryer and go take a shower.

Jonathan didn’t move though, despite feeling the sweaty clothes lying uncomfortably on his skin. He instead leaned against the dryer and looked up at the panelling on the ceiling. It was not fancy, this room. It was pretty utilitarian, with unfinished walls and ceiling. It’s what he needed at that point though, as he tried to untangle his thoughts and figure out what he’s going to say to Sharpie about what he had just found out, the events of the war and the last one, which was the hardest: that he was in love with Sharpie.

He hadn’t thought that he would have the courage to admit it all. Not until he was able to stammer it all out to Jose did he know how strong his feelings for Sharpie really were and how wounded he was deep inside. That his earlier plan of ignoring it and hoping that everything was going to go away was in fact killing him. That he was losing who he was with the strain of keeping his secrets and that if he didn’t stop it, he would never regain his own life or self again.

And it felt like he had been lying to himself for months and that he was tired and needed to stop. But he really hadn’t much of a reason until recently, when he started to realize how much Sharpie really meant to him. And he knew that if Jose hadn’t been the mirror for him, he wouldn’t have seen any of it and despite it feeling like he had gotten his entrails excised with scalpels, he was feeling calmer and saner than he had in the past little while.

Jonathan also had to admit that crying like a little bitch with a skinned knee while being by someone who had been there, understood and survived had also helped. Even if it had left him feeling like he was the world’s biggest pussy right after. It was a good thing that Jose was quite tactful about the situation afterwards and had given him room and space to get himself together before they talked some more and headed back to the house. Jonathan didn’t think he would have been able to listen and talk about his own stuff if he hadn’t gotten that kind of response from him.

Jonathan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was still blowing his mind to hear that stuff about his father. He was still a little shell-shocked and although he wanted to probe that information and examine it much more closely, he had a suspicion that right now wasn’t the time for that one. Although it was there, in the hidden recesses of his mind, it wasn’t as painful or as horrible as it had been when he had first known of it. He could deal with it later and at his own leisure.

The issue of what Sharpie would think about him having his feelings known was what was making more of a coward of him than he had been before.  He knew it, because there honestly wasn’t any reason for him to be hiding in the laundry room at that point. He grinned mirthlessly at the ceiling before he left, flicking the switch and closing the door behind him.

Jonathan entered the guest bathroom and pushed the door with his foot, forcing it until he heard it latch. He stripped his clothes off quickly, wincing at some of the bruises left over from the earlier fight (although deep down, he had to admit that it was more of a beating, considering that he was the one that ended up with the lion’s share of the bruises and sore spots. But if Jose and the others were cool with calling it a fight, he was down with that) as more of his body was revealed. He didn’t look at the mirror before stepping into the bathtub and fiddling with the taps to make sure he wasn’t going to get a nasty scalding or freezing surprise. After that first night in this house, he had done the skimming of his reflection to make sure he didn’t look too messed up before going on his way. That was how he knew that he didn’t look as crap as he had back then. But he didn’t dare to look too deeply into his reflection, because he really wasn’t sure if he wanted to see what would be reflected back at him in his eyes.

He grimaced as he pushed the button and got the shower working. Yeah, he was a freaking emo pussy, alright. He wiped water from his eyes and pressed his forehead against the tiled wall and closed his eyes, letting the hot spray wash away his aches and fears away. Once he wasn’t feeling so damned off or melodramatic did he take the soap and shampoo and got to work washing himself.

Although it didn’t take him that long, the bathroom was still pretty humid and steamed up when he finally stepped out of the shower. He wrapped dried himself off briskly and was glad to note that most of the purple patches on his body had lightened to yellow-green splotches. Not very pretty, but at least he wasn’t going to look like a freaking purple and white moo cow. He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist before he deliberately turned and wiped the mirror clear of steam.

He stared at his reflection and studied it for a few minutes, taking in all the changes that were more obvious now that he was looking for them. His face had matured, no longer looking like an immature copy of his father’s famous face. His chin wasn’t as narrow or as pointed and his cheekbones had broadened a bit, the last of his childishness stripped off through tribulation and grief. His eyes weren’t as huge as they used to be, nor as clear, but they shone with a different kind of light. They were also _alive._ This hadn’t really been the case the last time he had looked at himself. The shadows were smudges and overall, he was more or less satisfied with what he was seeing. And the realization made him smile. Not a wide smile, but a real smile nonetheless.

So this was the Jonathan Roy that he had become. Not quite what he was expecting, but it was a hell of a lot better than it had been before.

~*~*~*~

Sharpie had just fished the tea bag out of his mug and dumped it into the trash when Jonathan showed up. His hair was still wet and sort of tangled at the ends, but it didn’t draw away from his face, which looked completely different in some way that Sharpie couldn’t quite put his finger on. Although there was still a bit of the nervous energy about the younger _loup_ , it was not as prevalent as it had been earlier on.  The feeling was one of anticipation in regards to getting a hard task done.

Sharpie knew that even though Jonathan needed to talk, he didn’t want for him to feel like it was the prelude to the end of the world. Although he was more relaxed than he had been before he had gone to take care of his things, Sharpie didn’t want to have a conversation that would be nothing more than a monologue full of penitence. He knew he wouldn’t get that if he just let Jonathan pour his guts out without any rhyme or reason. It just wouldn’t help and leave them both confused and awkward, that was why he decided to stall a bit, get him more relaxed and comfortable before they actually got into it.

“You want some tea?” he asked as he held up his mug. Jonathan smiled and ran a hand through his hair, wincing when his fingers got caught in the tangles and he quickly yanked them through.

“Eh. Yeah. Thanks. That would be nice.” Jonathan replied as he stopped fussing with his hair and leaned against the counter to watch as Sharpie poured hot water into another mug and dropped a tea bag in before handing it to Jonathan, who received the drink with alacrity.

“Careful, it’s hot.” He warned the younger _loup._ Jonathan nodded and poured milk into it before taking a tentative sip. He nodded and took another longer sip, savouring the taste of milky Earl Grey and visibly relaxing as he did. His body loosened and he wrapped his left arm around his body and leaned against the counter as he enjoyed his tea.

Sharpie did the same on the opposite counter and both just stood there for a while in silence as they sipped their tea and just relaxed. After the craziness of the day, a pause was much needed. And despite his need to get it all out into the open, Jonathan appreciated that mental intermission before they got back into the fray once again.

The peaceful atmosphere was only broken when Jonathan’s stomach let out a loud growl in the almost silent kitchen. He looked up quickly at Sharpie, who stared back at him with a blank expression on his face before both of them burst out laughing.

“You want something to eat?” Sharpie asked as he shook his head and went into the fridge to see what he could come up with in regards to dinner. “I’m sure I can get something done fast here.”

“Can’t we order pizza?” Jonathan muttered, the bridge of his nose and his cheekbones a bright pink as he finished the last of his tea and moved to the sink to wash out his cup.

“It’ll be faster if we make something here. Edmonton pizza delivery leaves a lot to be desired and I’d rather not have you pass out from low-blood sugar in the meantime. So we’ll just have scrambled eggs and...”His voice trailed off as he brought out the carton of eggs and popped them onto the counter before he went into the fridge and let out an exclamation of surprise when he found a jar of salsa, mortadella and a bag of shredded cheese and put them on the counter.

“We’re having Mexican eggs and ham.” Sharpie announced as he started looking around for cooking implements while Jonathan got out of the way and pulled up one of the chairs, turning it around and resting his arms and chin on the high back as he settled to watch the process.

Sharpie grinned as he arranged a bowl and a whisk on the counter and started to crack the eggs and dump them in.

“Better than having green ones.” Jonathan muttered, making Sharpie snort in laughter.

“Would you, could you eat them, Sam I am?” he asked Jonathan, who laughed softly.

“If _you_ made them, all the time.” He replied his voice serious and devoid of the earlier levity that made Sharpie glance up from his tasks and look at him closely.

“Only me?” he asked, his voice light, but the pulse at his neck speeded up sharply as he anticipated the answer that he would receive. Sharpie turned around and leaned against the counter, his back against the counter as he anxiously waited for the answer that he both wanted and dreaded hearing. Jonathan looked up at him through his eyelashes, his eyes going more green than blue as the gold leached into them.

“Only you.”

The kitchen was suddenly filled with the tense silence of expectation and both men remained still as they waited for the other to make their move. They stayed that way exactly for five minutes when Jonathan stood up, walked up to Sharpie and deliberately stopped within touching distance.

Sharpie blinked and was so startled at the sudden proximity that he took a step back. Or tried to, since he was basically pressed up against the counter. He was effectively trapped. But he wasn’t afraid. Just curious as to what Jonathan was going to do next.

Jonathan’s pupils widened to the point that the iris was a pale blue-green rim and his lips were pink and moist as they parted. That was all that Sharpie could think before he felt Jonathan’s hand cup the back of his head to bring him closer and those lips pressing themselves against his own. He was so shocked that he could only respond to the pure, wet coolness of Jonathan’s mouth and started to kiss him back.

Jonathan’s kiss was enough to make him forget where they were and what the situation was. He just wanted to taste, touch, feel and explore that cool purity that tasted of everything and of nothing at the same time. Like it was the answer to everything he had ever asked in his life.  

He let out a throaty moan and in reply, Jonathan’s body pressed right up to his to the point where he could feel Jonathan’s arousal pressed against his own groin. He was aware of it, but was so lost in the kiss he didn’t want to stop just then. But when Sharpie felt Jonathan’s hands go towards the buttons on his jeans that he pulled away and gently pushed Jonathan’s hands away.

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked, his eyes clouding as Sharpie held his hands. Sharpie looked away and bit his lip before he looked back at Jonathan.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Sharpie assured him as he tightened his grip on Jonathan’s cold hands.

“Patrick, I...love you. And I want to be with you.” Jonathan blurted out, making Sharpie blink at both the use of his first name and the naked confession finally voiced. Sharpie kissed Jonathan on the forehead, pressing his lips gently on the flushed skin and lingering for a few more moments before he pulled away and cupped Jonathan’s face in his hands.

“I love you. And believe me; I want to be with you. I want to wrap myself around you and I want to make you moan my name.  I want to be the one with you by my side.” He ran his thumb across Jonathan’s flushed lower lip and tried to focus on the conversation he knew they had to have before anything happened between them.

“But I don’t want to hurt you. Even though you love me, and I love you...I could still hurt you. Especially if we go all the way...I want to make love to you, but it could...”

“I know. That’s why...” Jonathan paused and cleared his throat. “You wouldn’t be my first time with a man. That happened during the war. When we were waiting, they did it to all of us. One at a time, they pulled us out and we never knew when it was coming.” He took a deep breath and smiled a crooked and wounded smile that made Sharpie’s heart clench in his chest. Jonathan snorted a humourless laugh before he continued his story.

“It was hell, that time and I don’t want to remember the feel of their hands on me anymore. The idea of them having even that small of a part of me just pisses me off. They didn’t have the right before and they shouldn’t have the right now. No one should have that right over anyone, I get that now. No one. “Jonathan looked down and there was moisture on his eyelashes, but he stubbornly wiped it away before he looked up at Sharpie. Sharpie’s expression hadn’t changed despite the revelation of two things that Jonathan couldn’t really bring himself to say in plain English, since he was still a bit raw over them. But Jonathan appreciated that it wasn’t turning out into massive drama and distance between them. That gave him enough courage to continue.

“They’re all dead, so I don’t even have the satisfaction of making them pay for what they did to me. But I’m not going to let them stay in my memories and on my skin and taint me. Or stain what we will build together and I’m not going to live with ghosts between us. That’s why I want to be with you.”

Sharpie swallowed and nodded as he let Jonathan’s words sink in. So this had been the really bad thing, the fact that Jonathan had been raped while in captivity. He hated to hear that his Jonathan had gone through such pain and horror, but he was glad that there was enough trust and love between them for that painful knowledge to be out in the open. That Jonathan had made that much progress, despite the stumbling blocks that had been placed before him to actually get that far.

“I know...I know what I’m asking for. I know it’s almost as serious as what my father asked of you and what you asked of Jose...I know...” Jonathan’s words were cut off my Sharpie’s stealthy kiss on his lips. Firm, but gentle, he worked his lips against Jonathan’s own until they parted, giving him access to explore and taste to his heart’s content. Sharpie did just that until Jonathan’s body melted against his, with no stiffness or flinching on his part.

When Jonathan was completely boneless did he pull away and smiled at Jonathan, who was slack-jawed and glassy eyes with desire and love.

“Come on. The food can wait.”

~*~*~*~*~

They went to their room with a muted air of anticipation that remained even after they had closed the door. Sharpie moved to turn on the light and sat down on the bed beside Jonathan, but didn’t make a move towards him, letting the younger man take the lead. This Jonathan did by grabbing Sharpie’s chin and kissing him with as much passion and desire as he had earlier in the kitchen. He tilted his head and sucked and licked Sharpie’s lips before he gently demanded entry from Sharpie, who complied.

Jonathan tasted all of him, intoxicated by his own gentle taste and the lingering taste of cream and sweet tea. His hands moved to cradle his hand and he was on top of Sharpie, pushing him down on the bed before he straddled him. Sharpie groaned a bit before scooting up the bed to give them more room to work with. Jonathan didn’t stop kissing him, but he did move his hands down from Sharpie’s longer than usual hair and slid them under his zip up hoodie and t-shirt.

Sharpie tried to suppress his moans, but failed when Jonathan’s fingers brushed against his nipples, making them hard and making him moan loudly in appreciation at what Jonathan was doing. This encouraged the younger _loup,_ so he kept on caressing them gently before he let his fingers trail down to Sharpie’s jeans. He pulled away and looked at his lover, a small smile curving his lips before he unbuttoned them and slowly slid his hand in. His eyes were locked on Sharpie’s as he did so, looking for cues and signals as to how low he should go. But when Sharpie himself started to bite his lip to suppress the noises coming from his throat, Jonathan finally went deeper and curled his fingers around Sharpie’s cock, which felt heavier and larger than his own.

Sharpie gasped and Jonathan slowly started to move his hand up and down the shaft, his thumb stroking the thin circumcision scar whenever he got the chance, which made Sharpie hiss and jerk his hips up into Jonathan’s own. This went for awhile longer, Jonathan even rolled off of Sharpie to lie on his side and face him so that he would have room to figure out the best way to make Sharpie lose all control. Although he was hard as all out, he didn’t want to come until he was sure that Sharpie had been satisfied completely. Or at least that had been his plan until Sharpie shifted and his jeans loosened. He looked down and saw Sharpie was touching him gently and carefully, wanting to both give pleasure but not go too far.

Jonathan at first was hesitant at having Sharpie’s hands down there, and he shifted a bit. But then Sharpie’s fingers hit a sweet spot and his reluctance disappeared. He kept his eyes on Sharpie’s own despite wanting to desperately close them and lose himself in the sensation, but he knew that his mind would go back to that day, so he didn’t dare. Besides, he wanted the visuals as well as the soundtrack since Sharpie wasn’t much of a talker, but was sure a moaner and loud. Louder than even the most hypersensitive chicks he had bedded in his misspent youth.

 He wanted to not stop listening to Sharpie as his body arched and he pushed himself deep into Jonathan’s hand. The more he did that, the more it turned him on and made him do almost the same thing, making them bring each other to the edge in a clumsy, but almost in tandem to each other. Although they hadn’t been together before, they were very good at taking cues from each other’s body language as to where to squeeze or press lightly in order to get the most pleasure and get closer to coming.

When it did happen, it was Jonathan that came amidst hoarse cries that where the hottest thing Sharpie had ever heard, which helped to completely push him over the edge and spill into Jonathan’s shaking hand. It wasn’t an earth-shattering climax, but it was comforting and somehow... _familiar._ There was no awkwardness afterwards and they didn’t feel the need to pull away from each other. In fact, they lay there together, kissing softly until the discomfort of drying cum made it necessary to move.

They cleaned up in companionable silence and Jonathan, for once, didn’t feel awkward at being around a half-dressed Sharpie. In fact, he didn’t know how he was feeling, but he knew that it wasn’t anything negative. Not quite positive, but he knew that in time, it would get there.

“I do love you, you know.” Jonathan whispered once the realization struck and went to wrap his arms around his lover, who received the embrace joyfully before he turned and kissed him.

 “I know, just like I love you.” Sharpie replied as he kissed Jonathan’s forehead before claiming his mouth again, all earlier doubts not quite forgotten, but softened enough to be liveable.

~*~*~*~

 _“There's more questions  
Than there's answers  
I'm not taking any chances  
Because I need to let you know  
Just how I feel” The Tea Party_

Ryan opened his eyes and immediately shut them when the light hit him right in the eye, searing a trail into his sleep fogged brain. He groaned softly and moved a bit. He lay still for a few moments and stretched a bit, becoming a bit more awake when he felt a hard something poking him in the back and a warm body right in front of him. Puzzled, he sat up and blinked awake to see Theo in front of him. He turned his head and saw Sheldon was fast asleep behind him and lay down again. He wasn’t ready to wake up wake up completely.

He was about to close his eyes and go back to sleep when he realized that this wasn’t usually how mornings found them. Last night’s memories hit him and he had to smile as he let the morning gradually come to him. It was the perfect ending to an unwanted dry spell. Not to mention the fact that as sappy as it was, he really did appreciate that he had gotten lucky with his mates. Yeah, it wasn’t always perfect, but they tried and it somehow made sense in all aspects. It wasn’t the life he would have thought would have been his, but it could have been worse. He didn’t need to go far to see that.

He lay there for a few more moments, hoping that he could get back to sleep again. But after lying there, staring at the ceiling, he decided that it was time for him to get up. He slid out of bed as silently and as carefully as possible, since he was deliciously sore from last night’s session and also didn’t want to wake up Theo or Sheldon either. Once he had done that, he went to the bathroom and started to clean up.

Ryan winced slightly at the bruising on his body, but he couldn’t deny that he had liked the activities that led to them. He smiled at his reflection and got to work taming his hair and getting sorted out before he went to the kitchen to ease the hunger pangs that reminded him that none of them had really eaten much of anything due to the turbulent day they had had.

Ryan cleaned up and pulled on the discarded clothes of last night before ambling down the hall to the kitchen. He expected it to be empty, since the house was fairly quiet and tranquil since it was far too early for anyone to be up. To his surprise, he found Jonathan sitting on the counter next to the old fashioned percolator sleepily drinking a cup of coffee.

“Hey.” He greeted Ryan, his eyes mere slits in his face as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Hey. Is there any coffee left?” Ryan asked him as he pulled out a cup for himself. Jonathan nodded and continued to calmly drink his coffee; seemingly unaffected by having Ryan so close despite the tumultuous events of the previous day. This sort of surprised Ryan, since he knew that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be quite as blasé about the situation. 

Shrugging, he decided to put it out of his mind and concentrate on enjoying his coffee and the morning. Everyone would be up soon and he felt that he needed this calm to get back to his usual frame of mind. But he found that he really couldn’t do it with Jonathan in the kitchen with him. He supposed that he would have to go outside and to do this. But he couldn’t bring himself to turn tail and run. Especially not when there was still no real resolution between them and it was something he needed to get sorted out. It wasn’t a task he looked forward to, really. Although he didn’t actively dislike Jonathan, he was still uncomfortable being around the young _loup_ ; never mind talking to him about such a heavy and murky issue.

 It was sort of making him lose his Zen well-being, having that situation still hanging over his head. Especially since it had now suddenly made itself known and it kind of pissed him off a bit, since it showcased his reluctance and cluelessness when it came to dealing with his own situation now that all other massive crises had been averted. He thought that once everything was sorted out between Theo and Jonathan that he would be able to relax. After all, Theo had proven he could handle himself both physically and emotionally. Hell, he may have done a better job of it than he had, if he was more than honest with himself. He had basically snapped when Jonathan had his outburst and then ran away.

It made him mentally flinch when he thought about it, but he had. Throwing a cup at Jonathan hadn’t been one of his proudest achievements and he had instantly regretted his actions the moment that he had followed through with the action. Despite feeling that he had been justified, once he had time to really think about the situation, he had basically undermined his mate in his worry. He should have followed the consensus they had agreed on and let Theo handle it himself.

Ryan knew all the should haves, could haves that would have possibly been applied to the situation. He should have walked away. He could have gone to Sheldon and spent time with him as he had done whenever Jonathan grated on him the wrong way. He had known, rationally, that Jonathan was struggling with his own demons and that he was so sunk into himself he wasn’t going to take notice of whom he was actually hurting when he lashed out. He had been given enough examples by Sheldon when they had gone on runs together, since Jose had been like that sometimes; when the memories got too much and he actually felt safe enough to do so without fear of reprisal.

Ryan remembered he had asked how Sheldon had dealt with the frustration of the situation. Sheldon had shrugged and said that he would rather have the occasional outburst from Theo than have him be scared and twitchy and silent all of the time. Sheldon’s eyes had gotten dark then and Ryan knew that he had gone to a memory that he, Ryan knew nothing about. A memory he was sure his Alpha would eventually share, but for now was out of Ryan’s reach as Sheldon relived it alone.

Jonathan was the same, but it still didn’t stop Ryan’s hindbrain from taking over and dictating that he hit hard at the one that was hurting his mate. He had plenty of time to analyze the situation afterward, as he ran in his wolf form and then in his human form to fully clear his head. The one thing that had been left had been the feeling of utter helplessness he had experienced when Sheldon had died and he had heard Theo screaming his agony and there was nothing he could do.

That feeling of utter helplessness had made him ashamed and also over protective towards his Theo. He hadn’t forgotten how frail and light Theo had felt in his arms when he had taken him back to the house. Nor had he forgotten the ugly bruises and contusions on his skin as he had cleaned him up as he was eaten up with worry over losing not one, but two men that had now become everything to him. And he knew that if he lost them, he would never really recover from their loss.

Ryan knew that was the major reason for his viewing Jonathan as an antagonist. If Jonathan hadn’t been there that night, then maybe things wouldn’t have happened like they did. At least that was what he had kept telling himself as he ran that day. But he couldn’t deny that he had never really explored how he felt about Jonathan turning him. Or Jonathan himself.

All of Ryan’s emotions towards the young _loup_ had been in relation to Theo and he could now admit that he was keeping it that way because he didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to feel about the situation. Ryan also didn’t want to explore _why_ he had been out in that club drunk as fuck and seeking company. It hadn’t been one of his wiser decisions and it still stung to remember his serious lapse in judgment at the situation. And that lapse was sitting on the counter, calmly drinking coffee and ignoring him, more or less.

“Are you going to start? Or do I have to?” Jonathan asked him, jolting him out of his mind and back into the real world. Ryan paused at the question to get his bearings back before he looked at Jonathan. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jonathan shook his head as if in anticipation on what he was going to say.

“It’s in your scent. In your emotions that you’re wanting answers. You project pretty damned loudly. You’re like a book that’s almost too easy to read, Miller. So do we begin or what?” Jonathan asked him casually, his tone neutral and his eyes still at half-mast due to the early hour.

Ryan scowled and finished fixing up his coffee as he tried to recall the near forgotten reason for him even approaching Jonathan in the first place. Ryan didn’t quite understand what Jonathan was implying to him, since he was a pretty level guy when it came to emotions. So he was surprised to hear that he was projecting that much and briefly, he wondered if Jonathan was similar to Theo in how they processed the emotions of others around them. Whether it was just a birthright or a side-effect of surviving what they had, or if it was just a thing that they ended up with he wasn’t sure. It was odd, to say the least, but he now understood their extra-sensitivity a little better.

Ryan took a long swallow of his coffee and tried to figure out a way to phrase all of the questions that were now spilling into his mind after having had shoved them away for so long. They were there, crowding and curling up all over the place as he looked at Jonathan, who was now pouring himself another cup of coffee. He watched Jonathan add milk, and then sugar before he opened his mouth to finally speak.

“Why were we even together that night? Do you remember?” the minute Ryan blurted out the question, he cringed. It wasn’t what he wanted to say, but there’s no way to backtrack gracefully from the situation. He just has to go ahead with it and hope for the best.

Jonathan though, didn’t seem to mind or care about Ryan’s gaffe. Jonathan simply lowered his cup and looked down at the kitchen floor, his teeth worrying his lower lip as he struggled to remember. As Ryan watched him, it struck him that there was something almost tangibly different about the young _loup_ this morning. It was as if he had found a part of himself that was missing and had now figured out where it went in order to make the whole picture complete.

It’s also then that he saw, for the first time the real Jonathan Roy. It also made a small flicker of memory start in the back of his mind. He got small flashes of dark corners and bright, sympathetic eyes that faded quickly when Jonathan started to speak.

“I don’t think you really knew where you were, now that I’m looking back at the situation.” Jonathan told Ryan, his words slow and thoughtful as he began his story. He sounded as if he was reaching through dreams and thoughts long buried and Ryan waited patiently. He didn’t want for Jonathan to miss anything, no matter how much of an unimportant detail it could have been. But that didn’t stop him from interrupting.

“How so?” Ryan asked as he leaned his lanky frame on the opposite counter and waited.

Jonathan drank some coffee down and looked up at Ryan, his mouth twisted slightly into a smirk at the question.

“It wasn’t your scene. Hell, it wasn’t my scene. But it was close to the hotel and it let us blend in fairly easily. No one would notice us in an industrial club, despite the lack of vinyl and black makeup.” At this, Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it when Jonathan raised an eyebrow and pointedly looked at both his and Ryan’s clothes. Ryan shut his mouth and scowled at Jonathan, even though he knew the kid was right. They would have clearly announced their tourist status at a venue like that.

“Maybe that was the reason why we gravitated towards each other. I was restless and it seemed like I had all this extra energy and I needed to get it out somehow. But I was too intimidated by the girls and men there.” He looked down and snorted slightly. “I wouldn’t have admitted it then, but that was part of the reason why I was there. If I could find someone that wouldn’t recognize me because of my father, then maybe I could explore that part of myself. But you were there, standing at the bar with your back to the dance floor and you looking off into the distance and looking kind of sad that touched something inside of me and I had to approach you.”

Jonathan tilted his head and looked at Ryan through narrowed aquamarine eyes before he continued his story. With that small gesture, Ryan again got that flash of memory. Jonathan had looked at him like that before. He was certain of it.

“Why don’t I remember this? I just get flashes of that night. I remember the morning clearly though. Nothing in between.” Ryan told Jonathan who nodded slowly as he digested this bit of information.

“To be honest, you were really drunk. And really emotional. It was coming off you in waves and you almost fell on me when I approached you to go somewhere else. I basically had to carry you to that little park Souray found you in after...after it all happened.” Jonathan finished off in a voice hardly above a whisper.

Ryan swallowed hard and he had to force himself to remain still instead of giving in to the urge he felt to make sure that there was no gaping wound on his side anymore. He knew it had healed, but it sometimes still gave him twinges here and there.

“Did we do anything?” Ryan asked bluntly, not wanting to give in to that vestigial horror of being turned. Jonathan turned a bright pink and swallowed a couple of times and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down nervously and Ryan took it as a yes.

“How far did we get?”

Ryan wished he hadn’t asked that question. The second the words were out of his mouth, he was assaulted with memories of wet, sloppy kisses and awkward groping that didn’t really get anywhere before they mercifully faded away. He felt himself blushing horribly and looked sideways at Jonathan, who didn’t look like he was remembering anything extremely pleasant either.

Jonathan grimaced at the question. “We just made out before I changed. You had sort of passed out by then and I wasn’t in control of myself. And for that...I’m sorry.” His voice was a low and pained whisper, but Ryan still heard it. That whispered apology wiped out his humiliation entirely, since it made him see Jonathan as a real person and an adult rather than an annoying little kid not willing to take responsibility for his actions.

“No. You shouldn’t be.” He found himself telling Jonathan after that thought struck him, making the young _loup_ look up in shock at Ryan.

“But...”

Ryan shook his head. “It’s done and even though I don’t like some of the events, I don’t regret how it all turned out. Do you?”

Jonathan exhaled as he thought about what Ryan was asking him before he shook his head.

“So we can agree that this is the end of it?”

Jonathan nodded. Ryan returned the nod and they drank their coffee in a calm silence until the rest of the occupants began to stir awake. 

~*~*~*~*~

 _“In this silence of this whispered night  
I listen only to your breath  
and in that second of a shooting star  
somehow it all makes sense” Blue Rodeo_

 _Late April_

 It was fairly late at night, but Jonathan was sitting up in bed and watching the half-light that was coming in through the blinds while Sharpie slept beside him. Slowly and ever so gently, he combed his fingers through his partner’s dark hair. He didn’t want to wake Sharpie up and wanted to enjoy watching him sleep for as long as he possibly could. There’s something so pure and good about Sharpie when he let his guard down and Jonathan felt that he didn’t get to see that side of him as often as he would like.

So when he did get the chance to do so, he would draw it out for as long as he dared and filed it away for future reference when Sharpie wasn’t there or when he needed the comfort when he woke up to an empty bed with a note lying on it. He knew it couldn’t be helped; that Sharpie had to leave sometimes in accordance to league and team demands.

It was late in the season, but the lockout was ever so slowly being worked out, one snarl untangled at a time, it seemed. And that required movement from almost everyone in the Alpha’s house. He understood it, since he had watched his father in his own business dealings with teams and the league when he was younger and had assumed he would have had the same kind of life. He’s not sure how he feels about it not working out, but he’s usually glad that it didn’t. He wouldn’t have liked to live under his father’s shadow anymore than he had to.

He bit his lip and his hand stopped its trail through Sharpie’s hair. That was something that would bother him at times. The fact that he was never going to be able to talk to his father without knowing full well what he was capable of hit him hard once in awhile. He knew that it was going to take a very long time for him to come to terms with the different sides of his personality. Or if ever he could possibly do so. It hurt, because Patrick Roy was his father, after all. But there was no way that he could condone systematic abuse. Particularly not after having firsthand knowledge of the abuse and of the man that it had been inflicted upon.

He rubbed his face with his free hand and forced himself to stop thinking about that situation. It wasn’t going to solve anything and it was just going to make him be miserable and that would be the end of it all. He sighed and pulled his hand free from Sharpie’s hair. It was late and his mind had started to go to that dark place again. He didn’t need that and he probably needed sleep more than morbid thoughts, so he settled down beside Sharpie and curled up around him.

He sighed sleepily as the warmth of Sharpie’s skin seeped into his, making him comfortable and boneless as it spread into the rest of his body.

He put his arm around Sharpie and thought that just for now everything was all right in the world. The thought was reinforced when Sharpie cuddled deeper into him and let out a small noise of contentment while doing so.

~*~*~*~

Sharpie blinked as he suddenly came awake. One minute he was out, wandering through the confused tangles that were his dreams nowadays and the next was trying to get his eyes to adjust to the bright light coming in through the blinds. He lifted his head and rubbed at his eyes, yawning widely as he did so.  He glanced at the alarm clock by his bed and made a mental note that it was still too early to get up. Although he had to make a few calls and find out when he had to be back in Chicago for the start of the new season.

Although he was glad that the problems that had been the cause of the second suspension of the season were being resolved, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to come back to Chicago just yet. Although his and Jonathan’s relationship was becoming more solid and stable and was progressing at a reasonable rate, he didn’t want to leave until he was sure that Jonathan’s mental and emotional state were reasonably secure.

He knew that Jonathan wouldn’t ever be completely okay and he was extremely grateful for the friendship that had grown between Theo and Jonathan, since it meant that there was someone that understood him in ways that Sharpie himself wouldn’t. And Sharpie himself was grateful for the advice and friendship he had found with Sheldon and Ryan and even though they weren’t being told they had to leave, Sharpie felt that their time in Edmonton was drawing to a close. Being in the Alpha’s home was a buffer from the real world and the real test was going to come once they got back to Chicago.

He was ready and eager to get back to his life. But he wasn’t going to sacrifice Jonathan’s well being to do so.  He had brought up the topic with Sheldon when they had gone out into the woods and the Alpha _loup_ couldn’t really give him a satisfactory answer when he had brought the topic up as they made their way back home.

“It’s different for everyone.” Sheldon had finally replied after a very long silence. “The only thing I can tell you is that you have to be patient and take it easy and slow.”

Sharpie had bitten his lip in frustration. He understood that it wasn’t fair to ask Sheldon that, since it wasn’t as if the Alpha could predict the future or give him a concrete answer on such a vague situation. But he didn’t want to retard any progress that Jonathan had made and scarring him even further than he had been. He was willing to wait...but he also had deadlines to think about as well and he did miss his friends and being on the ice and sometimes, Skyping and texts weren’t enough.  He missed joking around with Kaner and playing pranks on his captain. He was looking forward to shooting the shit with Bur and planning pranks. He missed his family and he looked forward to going back to Thunder Bay for the summer. It wasn’t the greatest place ever, but it was _home._

He felt selfish, thinking all of these things after he talked to his friends, teammates and family. He loved Jonathan and wanted the best for him, but he also missed all that he used to have and be. He also wanted to share all of this with Jonathan and truly make him a part of his life. He knows that because of his nature, he will always live a double-life. But he doesn’t want to have to hide Jonathan away like a shameful secret. Not when he knows that no matter what life has in store Jonathan will always hold his heart.

He turned to look at Sheldon and saw that the Western Alpha was watching him with sympathetic expression and that made Sharpie wonder exactly how long had his mind wandered. He felt himself flush a bit, but Sheldon only smiled and looked away, breaking the awkwardness of the mood.

“I just...I miss Chicago. I miss my friends. I miss my life. And I want him to be part of that...but I don’t want to yank him back and have him fall apart either.” Sharpie commented as he stared out into the woods, not wanting to look Sheldon in the eye when he spilled his guts about how he felt.

“Then go. You’re not doing yourself or him any favours if you stay here, boxing him up against the world while making yourself miserable.” Sheldon told him. Sharpie turned and looked at him, but he could see that Sheldon wasn’t being malicious as he voiced his opinion.

“The longer you stay here while you feel this way; chances are that you will resent him. And then, your love will run out. Don’t let it get to that stage. If you feel like you have to leave then leave. We enjoy your company, but we also know that life has to go on for you.”

Sharpie sighed and ran his hands through his hair, which had grown too long and he idly made a mental note to get a trim before he met up with the guys.

“But what if he’s not ready?” he whispered. Sheldon shook his head.

“What if he is? He’s changed since he got here, yet you still see him as he was all those months ago. I know you think you are doing him a favour by protecting him, but you are just delaying the inevitable. Let him live and if it fails, then be there to catch him. That’s all you can do.”

Sharpie nodded, sort of stung by the suggestion. He didn’t dwell on it so much, since he knew that Sheldon wasn’t just paying lip-service to his situation. He had gone through the same situation and despite a few snags here and there, they had weathered the separations. Theo had gained some measure of autonomy and they (including Ryan) had managed to build a stable and happy unit. He had to admit that the Alpha knew his business.

“I think we’re going to leave in a couple of weeks, once I get things sorted out.” Sharpie replied after several minutes of reflection.

“That’s cool. I’ll write on my calendar so I can remember to order pizza that night.” Sheldon replied sardonically, making Sharpie snort before he unlocked the door and they both went inside to their respective mates, the matter laid to rest between them.

That had been last week and he wasn’t sure what he had expected from Jonathan, but the rueful admittance that he was getting restless hadn’t been it. Although it had thrown him for six, he had to admit that it made him feel less guilty about going back to Chicago. It also made him get a move on the arrangements. All he had to do was get a schedule, get their bags in the car and say good bye to the Alpha and his consorts.

And that would happen either tomorrow or the day after. He didn’t want to either push Jonathan, or be rude to their hosts. So he stayed in bed and sighed in contentment when he felt Jonathan nuzzle into his shoulder.

“Morning.” He replied as he turned his head to look at Jonathan, who was watching him with narrowed, sort of glassy eyes that showed he wasn’t quite awake yet.

Jonathan’s eyes crinkled before he sucked lightly on Sharpie’s neck, making him let out a half-choked gasp. He felt the sensation go like a current and hit his groin making his morning glory get even stiffer, if that was at all possible. Jonathan let out a murmur of appreciation and Sharpie was powerless to move as he felt Jonathan’s hand curl up around his erection.

Sharpie felt Jonathan slide up a bit and groaned when he felt sharp teeth nibble at his earlobe before it was given a few soft licks, making him whimper in desire.

“ _Bonne Matin, mon amour.”_ Jonathan breathed out in his ear as he gave Sharpie’s cock a few rough strokes. Sharpie moaned and thrust blindly into Jonathan’s hand. A few squeezes and with Jonathan biting his earlobe and pinching his nipples, he came fast and hard in Jonathan’s hand.

His vision was clouded by white and silvery streaks and he only came to his senses when he heard Ryan call out from the other room and sarcastically thank him for the wakeup call while Jonathan buried his face into his shoulder and snickered quietly.

“Shoot me now.” Sharpie muttered as he turned to look at Jonathan. Although he was still smiling at him, there was something in his eyes that made Sharpie pause and try to figure out what exactly it was. He had gotten a small inkling of what he was seeing as pent-up lust when it disappeared and Jonathan moved away from him. He lay there spent and wondered if Sheldon was right. That he was the only one being overly cautious in the relationship and whether Jonathan was the one that was waiting for _him._

The thought was a bit unnerving to him, to say the least. He was the one used to being the leader and now he was the one that was somehow left behind without warning. Sharpie knew he would have to get used to having Jonathan get his own independence. After all that was the ultimate goal: to have him be on his own. So why the hell did he have such a sense of loss mingled with pride at the possibility?

Sharpie lay on the bed and tried to work out through his tangled emotions, but he really couldn’t come up with a satisfactory resolution and firmly packed the matter away. There wasn’t anything he could do at the moment, so he was simply going to get on with his tasks. Life wouldn’t wait.

~*~*~*~*

 _September_

Sharpie had to admit that he was a bit disappointed at finding only a note with Jonathan’s familiar writing on the counter when he got home. Although he had a great time at camp with Bur and Tazer and Kaner, he was still looking forward to coming home and spending time with Jonathan.

 _“ Patrick, Coeur, sorry. I’m working the late shift because Tommy was sick. Be back around ten. Je t’aime. Jonny.”_  He read the note, scribbled out in Jonathan’s cramped and hurried script and threw it in the garbage. He wandered into the living room and stared blankly at his game consoles and then at his phone.  He had been given an invitation by Tazer and Kaner to come over and hang out at Kaner’s place, but he hadn’t really committed to the invitation and had subtly disappeared after practice before it could be brought up again.

He had been hoping to spend the evening with Jonathan, watching movies or just listening to his partner fiddling around with his guitar. But now...he sighed and looked at his phone before he texted Kaner and asked if the invitation was still on. When he got the affirmative, he put his equipment away, scribbled a note to Jonathan ( _“At Kaner’s. Text or call when you’re back. Love, Patrick”)_ and took off.

 On the way to Kaner’s, Sharpie couldn’t help but to think about Jonathan’s interest in music. It sort of surprised him, since he hadn’t really known that Jonathan could play guitar, never mind be interested in music. Although he had to admit that explained the battered notebook that Jonathan always kept in easy reach and often scrambled to hide when Sharpie came into the room. He hadn’t asked about it and figured that he was simply writing a journal or poetry or something.

But sometimes, Sharpie had to wonder how much of that notebook were lyrics and how would they fit with the melodies that Jonathan would occasionally spend days tooling and re-tooling when he was alone. Jonathan played some riffs when they were together, but usually put his guitar away when Sharpie was home. They both were that possessive and determined to spend as much time with each other as they possibly could.

Especially after Sharpie had been called back to training camp and Jonathan had somehow ended up getting a job at a coffee shop in Wicker Park. Although their schedules match fairly well, there’s the occasional night that Jonathan has to fill in for someone. Or he’s singing at an open mike session somewhere. (He doesn’t outright tell Sharpie that’s where he’s going. But Sharpie’s heard rumours of a pretty blonde doing an acoustic set on Thursdays and he’s not half bad. Kaner wonders if they should go out and check him out, but Tazer tactfully announces that would be a good night for them to get together for the Mario Kart tournament and Sharpie shoots him a grateful look. He knows that it will be a large debt he will owe his captain when the favour will be called in. He doesn’t care though, because if he fucks up in front of Kaner, it would be even worse. Kaner is very young and very tactless and has no clue two of the players he admires have quite different hidden lives than he could ever imagine.) Sharpie would like to see him play, but he knows that he’s been shut out of that area of Jonathan’s life for a reason and he’s willing to wait until he gets the invitation to watch him play.

When he gets to Kaner’s though, he stopped thinking about Jonathan and got his game face on. If he was anything but focused, Tazer would get his worried face on. Bur and Kaner would hound him mercilessly and he wasn’t really in the mood to make waves. He was there because he wanted companionship and a simple night out with the guys. If he wanted drama, he would have stayed at home and struggled with the growing disappointment of not being able to take Jonathan as his mate yet.

~*~*~*~

By the end of the night, Sharpie’s way too into the game to even think about Jonathan and the mating. He’s of course paired with Bur and they have won most of the games that they have played. Most of the pizza and the beer are gone and he’s comfortably full and content.  It’s not the evening that he had envisioned, but it was fantastic nonetheless.

They’re on the last (well, the seventh “last”, to Sharpie’s blurred knowledge) race when his phone vibrates in his pocket and nearly makes him jump out of his skin.

“Take over.” He tells Bur as he tosses the steering wheel over to Bur, who despite a moment’s hesitation, catches it and smoothly continues the race. Kaner and Tazer are shouting at him and it prompts Sharpie to seek sanctuary in the kitchen for the call.

“Sharpie? It’s Jonny and I just finished my shift. Are you still at Kaner’s?” Jonathan asked the minute that Sharpie had answered the call.

“Uh...yeah...”he drawled out slowly, his mind still a bit slow from the pizza, beer and gaming. He glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was close to eleven and that had the effect of sobering him up right away. “I can be home in ten minutes, though.”

He heard Jonathan laugh softly at that. “How many beers have you drunk?”

Sharpie felt himself blush as he snuck a guilty look at the half a case that they had been steadily plowing through the whole evening. He did some quick mental math, but the only numbers that he could come up with were embarrassingly high.

“How bout I come over there instead? I’m already on my way to the metro. Just give me the address.”

Sharpie blinked at Jonathan’s words. It wasn’t that Jonathan was antisocial with his friends and team-mates. But he rarely, if seldom, came out to join them during game nights. He wasn’t into games, for one thing. And the other thing was that he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t give them away to the guys.

Sharpie had tacitly agreed to all of Jonathan’s past reasons for not accepting earlier invitations. Mostly out of concern, but part of him was selfish enough to want to keep their relationship just a secret between them that no one else could intrude in. The Alpha and the Consort were a different story, since they had somehow become a part of their little family (a connection that was kept up by a series of goofy texts and emails with no rhyme or reason or schedule) and they understood. He also felt sometimes as if Jonathan was like this jewel that sparkled just for him and he had to admit that sometimes he was sort of unwilling to let anyone else see that.

But he could also see that was selfish and after all, wasn’t he wanting to include Jonathan in all aspects of his life? That had been the main reason why he had practically ran out of Edmonton after all.

That was all that he needed to prod him into action. Although he had a bit of reservation, he decided that it could always be fixed up one way or another. Or at least he hoped so.

“Take a cab. You’ll get here faster.” Sharpie told him.

“Uh...ok. And the address?” Jonathan asked.

“Give me a sec.” He stuck his head in the living room and had to shout a couple of times to ask Kaner his address, which his younger team-mate gave in a diatribe laced with swears. Bur had won yet again and Kaner was pretty close to losing his shit over the outcome while Tazer laughed.

“Okay. I will be there in a bit. See you soon. _Je t’aime._ ”

Sharpie ended the call and made a beeline for the bathroom to get his cock to calm down before anyone noticed and started asking pointed questions.

“Who was that?”  Tazer asked once he had come back and taken his spot on the couch.

“My roommate Jonny. I told him to come over.” Sharpie got out as he accepted yet another bottle from Kaner, who had given up and was now flopped back onto his couch making sarcastic remarks and trying to nudge Bur to get him off course.

“Roommate? Since when do you have a roommate? Is he hot?” Kaner piped up, making Sharpie do a spit-take at the question.

“What the fuck Kaner?” Sharpie asked as he wiped up the spilt beer and tried to compose himself while Tazer snickered softly and Kaner howled in laughter.

“Well, he can reach the top shelves by himself and doesn’t think mullets are the latest thing in fashion, unlike some people I can name, so I guess so.” Sharpie shot back, making Bur snicker and Kaner squawk out and indignant “Hey!” at having had his height and mullet mocked in rapid succession.

Kaner would have added more, but the intercom buzzed and he made to get it, but instead stumbled onto Bur and got himself entangled into his team-mate’s arms along with the controller wires, making it Sharpie that finally got the door.

He checked the camera and saw it was his Jonathan standing there. Sharpie opened the door and stepped out briefly to give him a tight embrace and a deep kiss that had Jonathan panting once it was broken off. He wouldn’t get another chance to kiss Jonathan for hours and even though it was going against all of his better instincts, he couldn’t resist showing his chosen mate how much he was affected by him.

“I guess it would be kind of lame to say I’m glad to see you too?” Jonathan whispered as he wiped his bottom lip with thumb. Sharpie flushed a bit at that, but he was saved from saying anything potentially incriminating or embarrassing by the door swinging open to reveal a slightly more than buzzed Kaner.

“Heeeeyyy!! So you’re Sharpie’s roomie? No wonder why he kept you hidden. I’m Patrick Kane, Or Kaner, by the way.” Kaner said as he openly leered at Jonathan while Sharpie was torn between hitting him and groaning at his antics. Jonathan sort of smiled and inclined his head in acknowledgement.

“Nice to meet you, Kaner. I’m Jonathan.” He replied as Sharpie took the lead and jerked his head to motion Jonathan inside before he shoved past Kaner, who was staring at Jonathan with drunk intensity and making himself cross-eyed with it.

“He looks familiar somehow.” He muttered to Sharpie once Jonathan had gone past and into the living room. Or at least the entrance of it before shooting a pointed look at Sharpie. “I just can’t put my finger on it. And why did he call me Kane?”

“That’s just his thing. Don’t worry about it and quit leering. It’s starting to get creepy.” Sharpie hissed as they caught up and basically escorted Jonathan inside.

“Tazer, Bur, This is Jonathan, Sharpie’s secretly hot room-mate. Jonathan, Bur’s the one holding the control and good at using cheats,” Bur glared at him and waved at Jonathan before he took a swig of his beer, “and that’s Tazer, my best bud and my captain.” Tazer rolled his eyes at the effusive introduction and made some space on the couch for Jonathan to sit down on.

“Cool. You want a beer or something?” Tazer said as he pulled out a bottle and passed it to Jonathan before he could refuse. Jonathan shrugged, thanked Tazer and cracked it open with his lighter, making everyone in the room stare in disbelief at the gesture. Enough so that Jonathan got a bit fidgety as he drank his beer. Sharpie waited; since he knew that if he stepped in, it would be a dead giveaway that something more than just friendship was going on between them.

“What? You guys never learned the lighter trick?” Jonathan asked them after swallowing a mouthful of beer. Tazer snickered as Kaner and even Bur shook their heads.

“You wanna learn?”

Kaner lit up and scooted clumsily over with an unopened beer in his hand, making Sharpie relax and let out a breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. So far...not bad.

~*~*~*~

“Do they always drink that much on game nights?” Jonathan asked his words a bit slow and drawled out, the only sign that he had put away as much liquor as he had. Sharpie looked up from the door lock and blinked slowly as he processed the question.

“No. Only when there are special guests.” Sharpie replied after a few moments before turning his attention back to the lock and finally getting it to co-operate with him.

“Good to know.” Jonathan whispered almost to himself as he went inside. Sharpie followed behind him and made sure to lock the door with that exaggerated care before kicking his shoes off and wandering into the kitchen. He knew if he didn’t get some water and Advil into him, he was going to have a splitting headache come morning and he really didn’t need that to deal with on top of everything.

Sharpie drank the pills and water down and immediately felt better. The buzz was still there, but it wasn’t as incapacitating as it had been when they had climbed into the cab. That was at least one aspect of being a preternatural being that he liked: a fast metabolism that never let him go over the edge. He grinned to himself as he pictured how sick Kaner was going to be come tomorrow morning. Bur had cut himself off early and Tazer and Jonathan would be sober give or take a few hours and a few litres of water.

He waited, not really thinking about anything when Jonathan opening and closing the fridge caught his attention. He looked up and was surprised to see Jonathan’s eyes on him as he finished swallowing down his water. His eyes were drawn to Jonathan’s lips, which were wet and glistening from a few stray drops of water and he felt an arrow of desire shoot directly into his groin at the sight. Jonathan smiled slightly, and deliberately licked the drops off ever so slowly, giving Sharpie a show that made him almost wild with desire to take Jonathan, rip his clothes off and fuck him over the counter.

Jonathan’s eyes turned a pure icy blue as he got closer to Sharpie, who felt as if he was paralyzed with lust. His eyes got even lighter as he wrapped his arms around Sharpie’s neck and pressed his body the entire length of Sharpie’s.

“Whu-What are you doing?” Sharpie whispered hoarsely as he tried to not notice just how fucking _good_ it felt to have Jonathan pressing himself like that against him.

“Making it obvious to you.” Jonathan whispered back, his eyes almost a clear grey as he spoke. Sharpie swallowed again, completely sober as his brain clicked into what exactly Jonathan was telling him.

“Are you sure?” Sharpie asked in a low and gravelly voice. Jonathan’s response was to thrust his crotch into Sharpie’s own.

“I’m not going to break and I want to really be with you. I want to be your mate.”

Sharpie wet his suddenly dry lips as he reached out and pushed the tangled light brown locks of hair away from Jonathan’s flushed face. He let his fingertips trail down the soft skin of his face until they reached those full, plump lips that were slightly parted. They opened up and Sharpie pushed his fingers in, closing his eyes in pleasure as Jonathan slowly sucked them.

Sharpie’s hind brain was in full control, but he still managed to yank hard enough to push Jonathan’s jacket off and tear his thin cotton t-shirt off, leaving his chest bare while Jonathan sucked on the fingers of his free hand. It was all he could do to keep from moaning out loud at the pleasure that even that simple act brought him.  Jonathan knew it and his eyes narrowed as he pulled Sharpie’s hand away from his mouth and guided it down, letting his fingertips skim his chest and stomach until they were lightly resting on his crotch. Sharpie felt his eyes widen at yet another bold invitation. Although Jonathan had been more vocal with his wants and needs in the relationship and more willing to try things out while they were in bed, there were certain boundaries that he still hadn’t been ready to cross. Being a recipient had been one of them, so he was tentative now, despite the clear invitation being issued. He hesitated until Jonathan gave him a small nod of encouragement.

 Sharpie popped the button open and wasted to time in getting his hand under the elastic of Jonathan’s boxers. It was only then that he lightly stroked the cock that was starting to positively quiver as he ran his fingers over the length of it. He wrapped his hand around it and squeezed, making Jonathan hiss out his pleasure before he had started to stroke it. The hisses became pants as he speeded up his movements, which he alternated with squeezes in just the right spots that he had memorized in the time that he had spent exploring and mapping all of the contours of his lover’s body.

Sharpie was thrown a bit off-rhythm when he felt Jonathan’s hand in his jeans. Jonathan wasn’t as elegant with the removal of clothes and Sharpie was sure he was going to have friction burns from how roughly the clothing was yanked down his hips. The observation was gone when Jonathan’s hand wrap itself around Sharpie’s weeping, neglected cock. He gasped and had to close his eyes and collect himself before he continued. Once he had calmed down enough, he opened his eyes and was surprised when Jonathan let go of him and put his hands on Sharpie’s shoulders to still him.

Jonathan’s eyes were almost white, the blown pupils and the rims around the iris the only colour in his eyes. He was breathing hard and his face was flushed a dark red. Sharpie came to himself as he realized that if he did anything else, Jonathan was going to explode. His next words proved that.

“Patrick...Please...I...”Jonathan shook his head and Sharpie wasted no time.

He pushed Jonathan backwards. If it hadn’t been for him bracing his hands against the counter, Sharpie’s push would have sent him sprawling. Sharpie felt slightly guilty about that, but he could see that Jonathan was so lost in the desire and expectation of sex that he didn’t even register the push. Sharpie breathed easier before stripping the last of their clothes off and positioning himself between Jonathan’s legs.

He put his fingers in his mouth and made sure to get them nice and wet before he carefully began to touch Jonathan. He was tentative and nearly stopped when Jonathan inhaled sharply, but a whimpered plea encouraged him to try again. It was hard to get even a bit of his fingertip in and he kneaded Jonathan’s hip in order to get him to calm down somewhat. He ran his fingertips over the bone and when he felt Jonathan shiver in appreciation, he was able to slowly slide his finger in.

Jonathan gasped and bit his lips, but Sharpie didn’t stop. It was too late for either of them to back down. Instead, he moved it around so that Jonathan would get used to the intrusion and loosen up.  It took a while, but Jonathan relaxed and Sharpie pulled his finger out enough to add a second finger and change the angle. He closed his eyes and curled his fingers upwards in a scooping motion and was gratified by the sudden laxness of Jonathan’s entire body.

Sharpie opened his eyes and smiled when he saw that Jonathan’s eyes were heavy-lidded and his mouth open as he fought to hold onto the counter. Sharpie grinned and slowly pulled out his two fingers and added one more, moving carefully inwards and widening Jonathan’s passage even more. He caressed the little knot lightly and Jonathan’s body jerked and convulsed as he did so. He did it a few times until his fingers were moving in and out with ease. He swirled them around in a circular motion and Jonathan’s knees buckled violently. If it hadn’t been for his stubborn grip on the countertop, he would have definitely fallen to the floor. Although he was enjoying himself, he was fairly quiet and only his harsh breathing was giving Sharpie hints that everything was going well and to not stop.

It was then that he pulled out his fingers and tightened his hold on Jonathan’s hip, making the younger _loup_ look up at him through heavy eyelids. 

“Do it.” Jonathan hissed out and Sharpie moved to comply. With a bit of adjusting and nudging, he got his cock lined up with Jonathan’s entrance and slowly slid in, pausing in order to let Jonathan get accustomed to the intrusion. It was going fine until Sharpie winced. The angle wasn’t the best for the angle that it could have been and he needed to fix it before they both ended up hurt.

Without a word, he put his hands on Jonathan’s hips and lifted him up onto his cock, making Jonathan’s eyes widen and an undignified squeak escape his lips as he found himself being manhandled.

“Wrap your legs around me.” Sharpie rasped out. He had to repeat himself until Jonathan got the message and complied, hooking his ankles behind Sharpie’s back as Sharpie then lowered him down the rest of the way. Jonathan hissed and tightened his grip on the counter, making the wood groan and creak as his grip tightened and his claws started growing out in full force.

“Fucking hell, Patrick!” Jonathan growled out, making Sharpie lose all restraint and just start thrusting, the _loup_ side of his brain taking over at the sounds Jonathan was making. It felt too damned good, being in there. It was slick and hot and warm and everything he had imagined when he had jerked off in the shower. Mutual handjobs and blowjobs were okay, but they didn’t compare to the tight heat he was currently enjoying. He felt, as clichéd as it sounded, that they were finally _together_. That the last barrier of them being together had been breached and he was nearly euphoric with the realization.

He kept on thrusting, varying the speed of his thrusts as well as the depths of them until he had Jonathan panting and quivering in his grip. He knew that their releases were just seconds away and the scents of their perspiration and desire were a heady perfume he couldn’t get enough of. It was almost as potent as being high and he knew it was time.

The lust, coupled with his exhilaration made it easy for him to partly shift for the next step. He leaned forward until he could, with little effort, taste the musky sweetness of Jonathan’s neck. He licked the side of Jonathan’s neck a few times until Jonathan himself tilted his head back for easy access. It was only then that he struck.

Jonathan screamed out a harsh howl and let go of the counter to wrap his arms around Sharpie’s neck. He pulled him close and held him there for longer than was necessary, giving Sharpie a deep taste of his blood before Jonathan did the same to his lover. They stayed like that, joined at the groin and at the neck for several moments until Sharpie moved. Once. Twice.

That was all they both needed to get release, their orgasms coming so strongly that Sharpie couldn’t remain standing and they ended up collapsing in a sweaty and bloody heap.

“Christ. So this is what I was missing.” Sharpie heard Jonathan mutter before his eyes drooped shut and he sank into a deep and satisfying blackness.

End

**Author's Note:**

> Not true, never happened. Prose is mine, mistakes, if they show up despite proof-reading are mine and I apologize in advance. Title and song quoted from The Stills. Other bands quoted are-Mistress Barbara and Sam Roberts,Neverending White Lights, The Tea Party and Blue Rodeo


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